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three simple words Once again I drained all of the beauty out of what I saw the other day. When I woke the sight of snow outside my window made me happy. It might sound like a simple thing, but sometimes that is all that I need. Everything as far as I could see had been draped with a pale blue sheen of snow. Nothing had been left untouched by the white blanket and it gave the world a magical and timeless look. I enjoyed while I could, because I knew that all of that would change in the morning. About the only thing that I have planned for this month is seeing a production Of Mice and Men on the twenty-first. The rest of January is free and I'm not sure what to do with the rest of my social calendar for the month. Maybe I'll fill the rest of my free time with movies and shopping, because those seem to be my primary past times on the weekends. Of course I could make an attempt to paint which is something that I always say that I will do, but never do. The only other scheduled event that I know of for the month is the installation of central air in my part of the house this weekend. Months ago my landlord had told me that he wanted do it when it was cold out so that he wouldn't have to sweat in the attic. So I guess that now must be the right time, because he said that he would be here on Saturday. On the surface everything seems the same in my life, but on the inside I am emptying rooms and closing doors. I have a bad habit of rehashing the past over and over until I can't free myself of the baggage. That is something that has to change, because one moment I think that I am in control and then the next I have no idea what I want. I'm also trying to organize my time better. I often say that I just let things happen as they may, but I need to take more control and leave enough free time for myself. An hour where I forget about everything and just sit and think is something that I need to do on a daily basis. The days when I feel the most miserable are the ones when I do absolutely nothing for myself. Even though I like my job and the people that I work with there, I still miss the people that I knew in college. Oh, I keep in touch with a few of them, but I really don't have anyone in close proximity that thinks like I do. Most of what I say at work is filtered or more in tune with the daily conversations. I miss the creativity of the people that I knew in college, which might be why I can't seem to let go of that part of my past. All that I would need is one class in the humanities to fill that void, a literature or drawing class would be perfect. I guess that is the downside to working in a technical field where most of the conversations are either work oriented or topical at best. So often I feel as though I am living in a vacuum and part of that is my fault. People have a habit of telling the same stories over and over and I am guilty of that to some degree. I try not to be though. There are days when it would be nice to just hold a woman. To feel her body next to mine as I fell asleep. It has been so long since I did something as simple and comforting as being next to someone.
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