searching for someone

Rain wanting to be snow. Swirling and then not quite sticking to the ground. A good day to sleep is what I thought when I drove home from work, but then once I got there I didn't sleep that well. I'm not sure why either. After a breakfast of homemade hamburgers and french fries sleep seemed like a good idea as I drifted away on the couch with the wind still blowing outside. Sleep didn't last long even after I stumbled into the bed a few hours later. Dry mouth and confusing dreams made those hours anything but relaxing. By three in the afternoon it was time to stay awake.


Nicole was more talkative on Friday night Saturday morning and by the time that I left that morning she was her usual playful self. Saturday night Sunday morning wasn't as good for her since she got in trouble and had to have a chat with her boss before she left. I wished her luck and said that I would see her on Thursday.

She had been wearing a new shirt that she had brought with the gift certificate that I had gotten for her on her birthday. She promised me a photo of her in it. She looked good, but then again I always think that she looks good and I held her close and kissed her.


Saturday night Sunday morning Ann asked me if I was mad at her for some reason. She said that I hadn't been the same around her for most of this year. I said no, but I knew that things had been different between us. For weeks I had left early on Sunday and most of the conversation between us was kept to a minimum. Maybe I had let myself grow tired of her adventures with the opposite sex. I don't know. She always seems to be searching for the right one and I often wonder if she will ever find that elusive person. Personally I think that she should take a break, but it is her life and she can do what she wants.

In an effort to make things better I stayed an hour this morning before I left work. She seemed to appreciate it.


Obviously the way that Nicole and I relate is much different than the way that Ann and I get along. I knew Nicole first and the tone of what we talk about is much more subdued. No, that probably isn't the right word, but Nicole doesn't seem to be looking for love all of the time. Her life has different concerns and we can make each other laugh.

Lately I've come to the conclusion that I probably am better by myself than being with someone, but if Nicole ever changed her mind about her fiance I would make every effort to be with her. I've even told her that and she just smiles when she hears me say it. I know what she considers her flaws and they don't bother me. Maybe there is another side to her that I don't know, but I think that she would be worth it. I can't say that about many people.


On the music front I seem to be jumping from Wilco to Unwritten Law and then Toad the Wet Sprocket. I have no idea if there is any connection among them except for the fact that I like all three bands. Then again I am the same person that burned a cd that started with the Grateful Dead track Casey Jones switched over to Diana Krall and then ended with All Right by Toad the Wet Sprocket. Sometimes I surprise myself when it comes to music.


The rain snow mix that I saw earlier in the day gave way to a partly cloudy sky before the sun finally set. From the window in the second bedroom I can watch the sun set on a daily basis if I want. Nothing blocks my view as the sun sinks ever lower into the sky.


There are times when I feel my age. One of those happened when I was in the video store tonight. I had four movies in my hand and was ready to pay for them when I noticed that there was a small crowd at the checkout counter. Okay, maybe crowd is a little much for four people, but they did seem to be spread out all over the place.

Directly in front of me was someone who could have been a missing member of N'Sync complete with leather jacket and what I thought was a bad haircut. Apparently he was trying to fill out some form and I started to wonder if he could read because it was taking him so long. While I waited I scanned the rest of his posse.

What was probably his sidekick was wearing a pair of what I believe are called carpenter jeans with his cell phone neatly tucked into the hammer loop. Next to the sidekick was another guy and this girl. They really weren't causing any harm, but at the same time I was wondering whether I was ever that rude with my friends. I probably was and didn't care at the time.

Somewhere along the way I let myself get old or maybe I just matured.

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