Not Now

I have not slept well for the past three nights. Work has really been pushing me to the edge and it is starting to take its toll on Brenda and me. Last night when I got home she was all hot and bothered and sex was the last thing on my mind. Yes, sometimes I am not in the mood for sex and very little can persuade me. This behavior does not do anything positive for Brenda's self esteem. She was completely humiliated when I didn't want sex or when I tried it just wasn't happening. All that I wanted to do was eat something and fall asleep.

Soon Brenda was in tears and the argument began. I did not want to argue. Once again I was ignoring her feelings and thinking only of myself. We can only have sex when I want it. Sigh. I know that once we have reached this point there is no reasoning with her. Everything that I say will be wrong. If I don't say anything I don't care. There is nothing that I can do to do make it better.

The whole time that we are arguing I am getting more and more weak from hunger and lack of sleep. Of course this just reinforces her theory that I only think about myself and not how my actions might affect her. I tried to say that she sees everything in black and white. She responded by saying well then explain it to me in color. I wanted to laugh. She didn't understand the analogy. I was not talking about the difference between black and white televisions versus color televisions. What I meant is that very little in the world is that neatly defined. There are no absolutes in the world. I am hoping that she was being sarcastic with her remark, but I am not sure.

This morning before I woke up I had some strange dreams. I was living in the house that I lived when I was in college except that some of the people that I lived with were from work.