|
average friday I am so predictable at times and I wish that I wasn't. A prime example would be that as the week wears on, I tend to write less and less here. Once the workweek gets into full swing I seem to lose my focus here and I'm not sure why either. I think that I can say that there is enough free time at work to crank out something for the journal, but I usually fall short. Maybe I am more of a dedicated employee that I thought. My best answer would be that I don't feel like turning this into a collection of work stories. When I am working most of my thoughts tend to revolve around my coworkers and the conversations that I have with them. Now as colorful as my coworkers might be, I really don't feel that comfortable talking about them here. Nor do I want this journal to become some kind of rant against my job, which at the moment is fine. I guess what it comes down to is that I want to keep the focus of my writing on myself and not the people that I see five days a week. Yes, the interaction is important and makes me seem less like a recluse, but I want this to be more personal than topical. Obviously they have some influence on my life, but I try to keep that part of my life separate from the rest of me. All of this ties into my thinking that what you do for a living doesn't necessarily define who you are as a person. In contrast to yesterday, I was anything but calm when I got home from work. It wasn't that I had had a bad day at work, I just couldn't seem to relax. The best way to describe my mood would be a cross between hyperactive and horny, which does not lend itself to falling asleep. When I finally did manage to fall asleep, it didn't last very long. I mistakenly believed that I could leave the air conditioning off for the day, but I was wrong. The stuffy heat woke me up at about three in the afternoon and that was the end of my sleep for the day. My odd mood from earlier in the day had been replaced with a mental numbness and I'm not sure which of the two I preferred. I know that the topic of sleep seems to be a regular motif of mine, but I think that this is to be expected when sleep happens so randomly for me. Many people who have worked third shift say that their biggest problem was trying to get enough sleep. Most of the time it works out fine for me, but when it doesn't it seems to be more devastating than if I were working first shift. Every so often a small part of me thinks that I work third shift just to be different. Maybe it's my last way of rebelling before I cave completely to a regular adult life. Oh, I know that people can be married and have children and still work third, but for the most part it is a single young person's shift. I like to tell myself that I work these hours so that I can focus my attention on other things that are more important to me than work. Without having to deal with the office politics found during the day and so on, the amount of effort that I have to put into work is kept to a minimum. The sad part is that I haven't done much of anything of personal value in a long time. Now that my vacations are done for the year, I'm not sure what to do next. I do know that I need to pay more attention at work, so that I can leave in a year or two. Now is the time to absorb as much as I can from the people around me, because most of the day staff has at least ten years of experience in the field while I only have three. I need to learn as much as I can from them, if I want to stay in this line of work. All of this is so typical of me, I start out by saying that I don't want to talk about work and then I still do in the end.
|