That's what clippers are for.

So one night last week I'm up late, cruising along on the phentermine, and I decide to cut my hair.

So I'm sitting on the bathroom floor, clip-clip-clippering away, and I'm looking down at my chest hair.

"Nope," I say, "this won't do at all. Too many gray curly hairs. Way too many."

And with a few swift swoops of the clippers it was gone.

That shit itched like crazy for a few days, brother, but now it doesn't bother me at all. And it's not like I'm a freakish hairless Ken doll or anything. It's just very short hair as opposed to the ridiculous thatch of disco medallion padding that I had before.