American Analrapist

So, for an event I'm planning this fall I've been reading a lot of Arkansas-centric hunting stuff. And, since it's turkey season right now, there's a lot of turkey talk. This makes me laugh. See, the turkeys are often called "gobblers." And, as we all know, a male bird is often called a cock. And, since I'm twelve, that shit is funny.

And then! And then I imagine Dr. Tobias Funke talking about it!

"Good morrow, all! Welcome to American Sportsman! I'm your host, Tobias Funke. Today I slip off my analrapist facemask and slip into a slinky little camouflage number. That's right, we're going hunting for the male wild turkey...or, as I like to call him, the 'cock gobbler.' Mmmm, I can practically taste the hot, wild cock gobbler in my mouth right now..."