Well, I went three-for-four in my playoff predictions; not bad, huh? I knew Tampa and Tennessee would pull it out. I think they'll be the ones in the Super Bowl, if anyone out there is keeping track.

From a fantasy football point of view, though, I still need Saint Louis to lose for me to win; everyone else is pretty heavy on the Rams. We'll see next weekend, huh?

If you're not in to football all that is terribly boring, right? Sorry.

Here's an idea for a game show: Who Wants to be a Felon? You would answer questions that got progressively harder. After you answer them all correctly you get to perform the felony of your choice, live on national television! The ratings would be astronomical.

Of course, if you only got a few questions right you'd get to perform some small but satisfying misdemeanor instead. Winners would be punished for none of their crimes.

The perfect host? Gavin McLeod.

"Yes, Gavin, I'd like for you to bring in Mike Duncan, the kid who used to beat me up in second grade. I'm gonna shoot his punk head off."

So, the headhunter job interview is tomorrow morning at eight o'clock, screwing up a pretty good Monday off. I'm not stressed about it; I have a job and don't need another. Still, I'll listen to any offer they might want to make. I am, at heart, an occupational whore. If they've got the cash I may take the job. Who can say?

I gotta ask, though, have you ever wanted to just spike the hell out of an interview? You know, go in and be so incredibly unemployable that the person interviewing you can do nothing but squirm?

Things You Could Do To Keep From Getting Hired

• Wear your FUCK YOU t-shirt
• Smoke during the interview
• Bring a quarter-pounder; eat it on the interviewer's desk
• Listen to a Walkman; sing along; shush the person if they try to get your attention
• Drink a forty; offer a drink to the interviewer; occasionally pour out some "for your dead homies" on the floor; weep while doing so
• Put your feet up on the desk; fart massively
• Make the international hand sign for jerking off during a particularly long question

I've never done that before, though I was tempted to during one interview where both "travel around Arkansas" and "extensive public speaking" were mentioned. I just asked for an outrageous amount of money, instead. I never heard from them again.

We have our first candidate for Sonya's Funniest Moment of the Year. Last night we got a key lime pie for dessert. I had a piece at lunch today, and during our long afternoon of football-watching I wanted another. I wanted to tell Sonya this.

"You know what I want?" I asked the Wife.

"The oral sex," she replied without missing a beat.

Needless to say the following laughter left my original point forgotten. The Wife, she is razor-sharp.

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