Effluvia

Apple is rockin' and rollin', yes?

From Memepool:

• This guy isn't too bright. In fact, he may be willfully ignorant.
• The crew from MST3K is doing something new at TimmyBigHands.

Pro-anorexia? Who knew? Equally distasteful is dog fucking. Or, alternately, the Mormons.

Bygone Days
Uncensored!

100 YEARS AGO
April 19, 1900

John J. Collins, successor to Walsh & Co., Memphis undertakers, has opened a funeral parlor at 330 S. Second Street.

"I loves me some dead people!" Collins said, rubbing his hands together and licking his lips.

Siobhanorama

Siobhan wrote to tell me that the characters she wrote about yesterday are actually fifteen years old and that I'm a dirty old man.

Hot teen lesbian action? Hell, I'm writing the story myself.

Ride With The Chauffeur

It arrived today: the first humidity. It wasn't too bad, just a mild tanginess in the air, but it was moist nonetheless. I love humidity. Cold weather is gone and summer is around the corner. I'm such a southern boy. It made me want to sit outside, drink beer and sweat.

Which I could have done today. The Redbirds played a rare school-day day game. It was a real temptation to play hooky. They're playing two of those in May; maybe I can talk some coworkers into taking an afternoon off.

Speaking of coworkers, I'm really lucky in that I've got three pretty cool guys I work closely with. The vast majority of our technical people are hopelessly geeky and the non-technical people are, for the most part, unrepentantly trashy.

In this field, you're always surprised when coworkers are relatively cool and have an actual personality. That doesn't mean I don't work with the stereotypical Trekkie-types. I mean, some of these people if you met 'em at a party you'd give them the glazed smile for five minutes and then mumble

"Oh...sorry...I need to refill my enema bag."

And then you'd spend the rest of the night avoiding the hell out of them.

So I'm pretty pleased with my coworkers.

Sonya and I went to the Cupboard for dinner last night. The Cupboard (for you out-o-town readers) is a longstanding Memphis tradition and the place to go for home cookin'. They've recently moved from the tiny hole in the wall they've been at for years to a nice big ex-Shoney's. The crowd was a big more high-pocketed than at the old place, but the greens were just as good as ever, and the rolls and cornbread were hot. Then we went and looked at houses.

Yes, houses. Sonya and I are considering taking the property plunge. We've got a touch of money set aside and I think a house is just as good an investment as any, right? I'd have to buy a lawnmower, though, and the thought of that kind of sucks.

Here, hold on a second...there. I started a thread about it over at Beth's. Let me know what you think, either here or there - I'm flexible.

You know, I think it's nice of Beth to run that forum for people to put shit on. I could never do it. This is my page and it's damn well gonna be about me. Beth is obviously far less selfish than I am.

I would be willing to host a forum if the only topic discussed would be me and - possibly - me-related items. Is there any interest in that? I think it's a grand idea.

My friend Shelley sent me the following joke. It's very funny. Good job, Shelley!

A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep South. He got a ride from a mean-looking redneck trucker. After riding about 30 miles in silence the youth finally said, "Well, aren't you going to ask me?"

"Ask you what?" replied the trucker.

"If I'm a boy or a girl," answered the youth.

"Don't matter," replied the trucker. "I'm gonna fuck ya anyway."