Effluvia

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Bygone Days
Uncensored!

125 YEARS AGO
June 22, 1875

Col. Jeptha Fowlkes yesterday was elected chairman of the Fishermens' Club and West J. Crawford, secretary.

Even in this simple and unenlightened time no one gives a shit.

Boss Kenny

"The good news is that I'm growing my beard out so I can join ZZ Top. The bad news is you're fired."

Walking the dog this morning, I saw this girl turning the corner around my building. Young, probably twenty or twenty-one. Black tube top with a strappy back, zebra-print pedal-pushers and tall black platform sandals. Brown curly hair, sticking up in every direction and obviously slept on.

Still, this girl in her club clothes at eight in the morning wasn't so remarkable. It was the look on her face.

She looked simultaneously confused, amused, horrified and - by the way she squinted - massively hung over.

Why did I spend the night with him, she seemed to be thinking, and where the fuck am I? Hell, where's the fucking car? What is this, Downtown? Did I drive? Did he drive? Did anybody drive? Where did we go after we left Beale Street? Where are my underwear? Did I really puke on his cat?

This was quite obviously a girl with questions that might never be answered.

Another in a long line of workless days at work today - though I did generate some comedy, making a comic strip starring two of my coworkers, Clarice Starling, Hannibal Lecter, Jack Elam and Nina Hartley.

I got a PowerPoint presentation through the e-mail, too. It was a sales presentation about our internet "product." I called the woman who sent it to me.

"Why did you send this to me?" I asked.

"You just go in under print and tell it to print as brochure," she said, "since that's what you requested."

"Um, no," I said, "I didn't request anything."

She told me how to print it again. I got off the phone and filled the presentation with little witticisms for the entertainment of the coworkers.

We in the web development department have a staff meeting tomorrow; the rumor is that we will soon, officially, be no longer needed. Corporate redirection and all that. What this means I don't know. Reassignment certainly, relocation perhaps. Termination, possibly? Anything can happen.

But Boss Kenny told us this rumor, so it could certainly be a lie. Nothing to do but wait and see, I suppose.

I had lunch with Krista, my high school classmate, today. It was nice - we talked school and friends, kids, houses and marriage. Ten years of gossip, really. We got a nice start on it today at Applebee's. I think it might be a weekly thing.