Effluvia

Eddie Izzard won two of the three Emmys he was nominated for tonight. He should have gone to the ceremony; he probably would have been the best dressed one there.

Hey, Bobby Knight! You just couldn't stand not being an asshole, could you?

Journals

• Bad Hair Days
• Plaintive Wail
• Humidity and Hebephrenia
• Randomly Ever After
• U9
• Fukushu
• Nature of life...
• DNA Sequencing

Siobhanorama!

Siobhan goes to the beach - with a boy!

It's been a quiet weekend at the Williams Estate so far, as we have very little money for going out and being foolish.

So we've stayed home and been foolish. Just as much fun, and cheaper.

I've been rereading The Lord of the Rings trilogy all weekend; that's fun. And Sonya has followed the happenings on Big Brother with a stalkerish intensity.

I went to the store today and, at Sonya's request, picked her up some tampons. Buying tampons does not frighten me; it must be clear to any checker at the A & P that I have no personal use for the things. As some stand-up comedian used to say, it means I have a woman.

Unfortunately, I got the wrong kind. Sonya gently chided me about this, even though she was grateful to me for making the purchase.

"These mistakes will happen," I explained to her, "because I don't use the product."

Last night we had to fight off a plague of locusts.

Well, it was just one locust, but he was very persistent.

"Aaaaah!" Sonya said, high-stepping in from the balcony.

"What?" I asked, concerned.

"It's a locust...and it's right there!" she said, pointing out to the balcony. There, on the little table, was a big fat locust.

Bugs make my skin crawl. Big huge bugs that want to come inside and crawl around on you make me shiver all over. They're gross.

I went and got the umbrella and, sticking one arm through the barely-opened sliding door, I gave the locust a few good pokes, encouraging him to move on to some more pro-locust balcony.

Of course, he went buzzing around, upside down, and tried to get in the door. I snaked my arm back in and slammed the door.

The locust stayed on the balcony for about fifteen minutes, smacking away at the sliding door. Finally he got quiet and sat next to the railing. I got the broom and slipped it out the door, keeping my arm inside. I gave the bug a good shove but he flew into the corner, behind the grill.

But I was brave. Gathering all my courage I walked outside, shutting the door behind me, trapping me with the foul insect. One of us was gonna leave my goddamned porch. I walked over to him, whacked the shit out of him with the broom and, while he lay there stunned, I swept him off into the night.

Later on Sonya and I saw three small possums playing in the tree right outside. So we saw the good and bad side of nature last night.