Effluvia

As seen in today's entry:

Booty Call

Joan Crawford

A&P

Thank you, Trish! Those are priceless.

Journal Roulette

Chris and Dana - "This is what it would have been like if the Nazis had won the war."

Siobhanorama!

Dammit, Siobhan, you've made me do this.

Tabitha continues to stew over Timmy's betrayal as she sits tied to a post in a large cooking pot. As the water begins to heat up, Tabitha begs Timmy to help her. Timmy insists on sticking to his new alliance with Hecuba. Timmy convinces Hecuba to let him leave the cave for martimmy ingredients. Meanwhile, the blades of the pendulum swing closer and closer to Kay and Miguel. Miguel urges Kay to believe the power of love will save them. Timmy quietly arrives with a mysterious plan. Eve freaks as Grace theorizes how Chad could be Eve and Julian's son. Eve insists her baby died right after birth, but is rattled when she recalls having a strange feeling when she first laid eyes on Chad. Eve begins to fear she will be revealed as Chad's mother when the DNA match results come in. Meanwhile, Chad speculates about his parents as he and Whitney wait for the computer to bring up the test results. Whitney encourages Chad to be optimistic. Sheridan is anxious to leave the Crane vault before the security guards show up, but Luis desperately tries to remember what he saw during his out-of-body experience. Luis nearly finds the file on his father, but the two are forced to hide when Julian and the guards arrive.

The Coworkers
Ain't Cool Dep't.

They keep talking to me about Case statements. I have no idea what a Case statement is.

Two Years Ago
A litte porn, a little man.

Sonya plays this online trivia game, right? And in it, the game throws out a topic and the people playing it have to name things related to that topic. Like, the other night the topic was "Joan Crawford movies." Then Sonya had to name as many Joan Crawford movies as possible. Unfortunately, neither Sonya nor I are big Joan Crawford fans.

"Mommie Dearest?" I suggested.

"I think that's about Joan Crawford," Sonya said, "I don't think she's actually in it."

So after a minute or so the game tells you the ten correct answers it was looking for. Towards the end of the time the guesses get a little silly. My favorite?

Booty Call.

Yep, I've been laughing over the thought of Joan Crawford in Booty Call since Monday night. I still think it's funny. The concept itself - as well as the opportunity to list that as your favorite Joan Crawford movie - is delightfully silly.

"What's your favorite Joan Crawford movie?"

"Booty Call."

I thought it was so funny, in fact, that I made a little picture:

Is that the kind of thing where you had to be there? Naw! It's funny! I think you should make it your desktop picture!

I was at the A&P last night. Everybody shops at the A&P. Just during the time when I was standing in line waiting to check out I saw:

• An old woman, muttering loudly to herself and slowly putting on a coat. I swear, it took her ten minutes to put on that damned coat. And the whole time she was muttering, loud. Or perhaps just talking indistintly. I'm not sure which, 'cause I heard everything she said - I just couldn't understand it. Then, when she finally got her coat on she walked out, pushing a dolly covered with cases of bottled water.
• A heavy metal girl, freshly tattooed. I knew she was a heavy metal girl because of her spiky belt and tattered Harley t-shirt. I knew she was freshly tattooed because she had bandages loosely taped to her upper arm, she was holding her arm up and out from her body and she had a pained look on her face.
• Two rave kids - a boy and a girl - in full rave regalia. The girl had irredescent pink goo smeared all over her face; the guy had on a huge metallic idiot hat. They were buying dairy products.
• Two Mormon missionaries, complete with suits and ties, bad haircuts and the little nametags. One was named "Elder Beck." Elder Beck was a normal, nondescript Mormon, while the other guy was head-turning, movie star handsome. I wanted to ask them if they'd seen Orgazmo.

New Orleans Readers: I'm considering a new tattoo. I'd like to hear any recommendations, advice or warnings you might have concerning local artists. I have a feeling what I want will be a custom design, so I need somebody with both the creative skills to design it and the technical skills to make it look good. Let the e-mail pour in! Send your views to bro_hal@yahoo.com. Don't be apathetic; do it, now.

We inaugurate a new feature tonight: Cool Dudes, little online profiles of the men I admire. Our Premiere Cool Dude is Robert Mitchum. He rocks. This feature will be updated irregularly.