Effluvia

The only shockwave game you'll ever need: Scoop Snoop's Poop.

Yes, I went ahead and got my mom the paperback of Trainspotting, since Amazon could get it to her on time and all.

"I have one question, though," she said when I called her yesterday, "what does 'fook' mean?"

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For your viewing pleasure, a picture of the reunited Duran Duran:

Journal Roulette

teenguy - Not at all in the closet, which must be a challenge for someone so young.

Siobhanorama!

Siobhan is working with those monkeys that do sign language. They're her monkeys, dammit.

The Coworkers
Ain't Cool Dep't.

Taking the elevator up or down one level. One flight of stairs isn't going to kill you, people.

Two Years Ago
Play ball! And I step in a massive dog-poop.

One Year Ago
Guest-starring Rocci Seffredi as the plumber.

Friday after work I went to a promotion party for some of my coworkers. The promotion party was held at Live Bait, a sort of alfresco redneck bar on the levee. Memphis readers: imagine Attitudes or the Daily Planet transported to the beach. That's what this place was like.

And the hair! Mullets! Rat tails! Gigantic perms! Jamaican vacation braids! Hair that is no longer found in nature. Endangered hairstyles, if you will.

A buddy of mine and I were quite impressed with a rather Amazon-esque girl working behind the bar. You should have seen her. She was about six-two, little shorts and a halter top, a severe blonde ponytail, broad shoulders and a boxers hard, clenched jaw. I bet she's a fine bartender. And, possibly, a pretty good bouncer.

So after that I went home and eventually Sonya came in from some work-related thing she was doing and the night just kind of tapered off to nothing. At some point Sonya wandered off and passed out on the bed. I finished my book (Bee Season by Myla Goldberg - read it, even though the end will leave you scratching your head and saying "huh?") and, after looking at a little educational material on the internet I went to bed, too. We love the nightlife, we got to boogie.

The dog - correction: the goddamned dog - got me up at just a bit after seven on Saturday morning. I was okay with this, though. I'd never really eaten anything the night before except for a bowl of happy hour red beans at the bar, so I had to eat. Biscuits and strawberry preserves, yes sir! Also, I wanted to get the pay-per-view of the FA Cup Final, which I did. Arsenal v. Liverpool, live from Cardiff, priced to move at $24.99.

And it was worth it for Freddie Ljungberg's stunning goal just after the seventieth minute. The entire Liverpool team just sort of sagged, and I thought to myself, ah, the Gunners will take a trophy home today.

Denied! Some three foot tall twelve year-old named Michael Owen managed to squeeze in two goals before the referee blew the whistle. Shots of the Arsenal players looked like refugees left suddenly homeless. They were shocked and nearly unable to comprehend how they'd snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.

I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to make a balky printer work. The less said about that the better.

We went to pick up some friends to see a movie, and of course we were running hideously late. Thanks to the friends' navigational skills and my driving, though, we made it to the theater just in time, missing only half a trailer before taking our seats.

As usual, Sonya and I found ourselves sitting on the front row, since we can't ever make it in to a movie before the lights go down.

"Why does this keep happening to us?" I whispered as we craned our necks up into the darkness, trying to take in as much of the screen as possible.

The movie? The Mummy Returns. It was a big stupid action movie, made bigger and stupider by the non-stop special effects and a cameo appearance by The Rock.

Funniest Moment: Some bad guy throws a poisonous snake at Our Hero, Brendan Fraser. Fraser catches the snake, stares into its eyes and then flings it back at the bad guys, who wail in terror as their weapon is turned against them. It was a very Naked Gun-type moment.

Hottest chick: Patricia Velazquez. Yow. That's all I'm sayin'. Shit.

In honor of having seen a movie set in the mysterious lands of the east we ate middle eastern food and talked about (and like) Apu from The Simpsons.

"Please do not offer my god a peanut."

Then we went to the friend's house, where I played a little Playstation 2 (Shnobinobi Warriors or some such shit) and the damned thing looked just like a piece of cutting-edge anime that I got to control. Fun. I killed the fuck out of some demons. Then we played Scattergories.

Yesterday? Nothing. Except for both Addams Family movies. I think Anjelica Huston is so sexy in those movies.

"It takes a special kind of guy to think that," Sonya said.