Ah, the Christmas season. Decapitated corpses, stomping baby chicks, pooping in your own hand. I love the holidays.

So Sonya and I go out tonight looking to buy an electric blanket. Simple, right? No. We went to Goldsmith's. And Target. We went to K-Mart, for god's sake. All we could find was a "Blanket With A Brain," which apparently senses body heat and adjusts itself or some damn thing. They were also ridiculously expensive. That's bullshit. I want a blanket with a knob on it that I can turn up or down. I want it to pump out savage, winterdry heat. If I get hot, I'll get up and turn it down. I have a brain - my blanket doesn't need one.

We went to Jonesboro Friday night for my brother-in-law's graduation. Congratulations, Dwayne. You can drive a train now!

And yes, it's that Jonesboro. The one where the kids killed the other kids last spring. It must be tough for a town to get famous that way, you know? I've always known about Jonesboro. My aunt and uncle and cousin have always lived there. Personally, I have warm fuzzy memories of Jonesboro. Sonya went to college there her first semester, and she had an apartment. The summer after we got out of high school we'd sneak off up there for the day, spread some blankets out on the living room floor and just have the most wonderful time.

Then, after we were in college, I'd drive up there for a weekend sometimes. Labor Day weekend, 1990. I didn't know it was possible for two human beings to have so much...fun, let's say.

It was a great experience, really. Sonya and I pretty much holed up in that little apartment for three days, microwaving food, watching videos, snuggling on the couch. It was the first time we'd ever spent the whole night together. We learned that I had to sleep on Sonya's left that weekend. I can pinpoint it as the time that Sonya and I figured out we could live together. I think we both liked the idea. I've compared every Labor Day weekend since then to that one.

None of them have beat it yet.

Saturday found Sonya and I cruising around I-240 to Baptist East. We went to visit our friends Brandi and Edwin, who had spawned their first: a bundle of joy named Zachary.

Let me tell you a quick story. Picture it, if you will: Overton Square, Memphis, New Year's Eve, 1990. [An important and formative year for me, no?] Me, Sonya, Angie, Edwin and Jon Mayberry had gone to the Square for the big New Year's Eve shindig they used to have there. We'd hit Wizard's about an hour before and had been doing hits of nitrous in Edwin's supercool Dodge Shadow Shelby. I was the designated driver that night.

So we get through the nitrous and head over to the Square for the countdown. Edwin, besides having abused inhalants, was totally trashed on Purple Passion. We're walking along, strolling between the buildings. Edwin stops saying whatever he was saying, leans over and, still walking, pukes up a steaming purple pile of foulness. He keeps walking and wipes his mouth on his sleeve.

"I'm ready to go," he said, grinning fiercely.

You can understand the consequences of someone like this being allowed to breed.

Later on that night we get back in the car to go back to Arkansas. Edwin, Jon and Angie are pressed into the backseat, reeking of alcohol and looking a bit fuzzy around the edges.

"D'jou havva good time?" Edwin slurred to Angie.

"Uh-huh," Angie nodded and smiled.

"Wanna fuck?" Edwin offered.

"No," Angie declined.

This man is now a daddy. Boggles the mind, doesn't it? I mean, this is the most wild-ass teenager I knew in my teenage years, and now he's a pilot, a husband and a father.

Congratulations to Ed and Brandi, too. I couldn't be prouder.

Um, weekend stuff. Me and Sonya and Jen and James exchanged our Christmas gifts, 'cause we're grown and we can open presents whenever we want. Sonya and I got a Star Wars shirt and a cool calendar, plus some other goodies. We got Jen and James the Star Wars Trivial Pursuit game. We played that the rest of the night.

Can you say "gen-x dorks?"

And the Saints lost. Again. And they're out of the playoffs. Again. Why am I disappointed? I should be getting used to this.

Can't wait 'til next season, though.

I was looking at CNN today and they said that the president's approval rating went up ten points over the weekend. Since the impeachment, actually. How 'bout that?

Now I'm not a terribly political person. My mom says it best:

"They all a buncha crooks."

Well said, Glenda. Anyway, I'm not going in to what I think about the whole thing (it's a witch hunt, pure and simple. The Republicans hate Clinton and want him out of office. Who can blame him? He's their enemy. And, apparently, he's really popular with the common people. I think the Republicans are a little jealous) but isn't it interesting that the farther Clinton seems to get in the hole the better his numbers get? Isn't that fascinating? I can see the future headlines now...

Clinton runs over dog; approval rating soars

President wears dress in public, named president-for-life

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