So have you seen that video for Heartbreak Hotel, the new Whitney Houston et al video? I tell you, I think that Faith Evans is cute. She looks spunky and sassy, like she'd be a hoot to talk to.

One thing that bothers me though, is that every time the video cuts to her her head is always moving. If she's singing, her head is going back and forth, or side to side, or up and down. It's like she can't keep her head still when her mouth is open.

If I were talking to her and she started moving her head, I'd be, like, "hey, Faith. Hold your head still. You're distracting me!"

And on a slightly related topic, I was reading this thing the other day and this chick was giving a list of all the things she missed in life. One of her items was: "I miss Tupac Shakur."

How is that possible? It seems to me like his output of music and movies has actually increased since his death. One of his songs was in heavy rotation on the Box just a few weeks ago. Maybe if you were Tupac's roommate, or mom, or something like that you could be missing him. But a casual fan? You haven't had a chance to miss him yet! How can you miss someone who won't go away?!?

Speaking of rap music, how many of you have heard Ruff Rider's Anthem, the omnipresent little number by DMX, the supermacho rapper? If you've seen the video, you know it's a Southern Decadence-like celebration of the male form. Lots of buff black guys, no shirts on, crowded together, sweaty, hot, hyped up...and then there's shot after shot of them riding around on those crotch-rocket motorcycles that are so obviously phallic it's not even worth pointing out.

And the lyrics! "Stop, drop, shut 'em down open up shop..." He might as well be saying "bend down, reach around, go to town," to quote Pinkard and Bowden.

Question: What do DMX, shoes and winter coats all have in common? Be the first one with the correct answer and I'll name my next entry after you. Write in to saints@midsouth.rr.com just as fast as you can, okay? You can be a winner!

Sonya had to go to the dentist today. Four cavities filled! She came home, her face slightly swollen, and I couldn't understand a goddamned word she was saying. We had to communicate slowly and carefully. I did, though, have the unique pleasure of popping my own wife several good ones on the cheek without fear of reprisal.

"Could you not feel that?" I asked.

"Uhbubuh," she said, smacking her own self a good one. "Nuffin."

The dentist told her full feeling would be back by nine or so. She was doubting that claim, but by 8:45 her lips had started to tingle and by nine full feeling was back, just like the man said. He's a true professional.

As if all that weren't bad enough, she has to go back to get two more cavities filled next week. That sucks, doesn't it?

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Oh, yeah...for those of you that keep up with such things, I sat down and watched American Anthem with Sonya last night. In the first fifteen minutes our hero (the ubiquitous Mitch Gaylord) hung out with motorcycle types, gymnasts and truckers and said not one word. This, for me, was a bad sign.

As far as generic, fairly middlebrow, sports-themed teenybopper movies from the mid-'80s go, this one is not too memorable. When a movie fails to have more dramatic impact and lovable, warm characters than, say, The Cutting Edge then you know you shouldn't set your expectations too high, or they will be cruelly dashed to the ground.

What saves this movie? The chance to make near-constant Andy Taylor jokes, especially getting to riff on the "Take it Easy" line of the theme song. This movie was destined for MST3K.

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