First, a quick shout-out to all my visitors from the Ivy League! Harvard, Princeton, Dartmouth - yes, all of America's finest scholars dip knowledge from the fount of wisdom that is wonderland 2.

And a sincere welcome to whoever came by from Houghton Mifflin. Please, make yourself at home, look around, enjoy your stay. If I can be of any assistance please don't hesitate to let me know.

And by the way: did I mention I've written a book? It's excellent. Like you wouldn't know something I've written is wonderful after reading my deathless prose contained herein.

Send me an e-mail - we'll do lunch.

Football's back! Hoorah!

Yes, for the next few months you'll see me - in these very pages, I say - rise and fall with the fortunes of the New Orleans Saints. Us Saints fans sure have a lot pinned on Ricky Williams, who, if nothing else, seems like a real cool kid.

So James and Jen came down Friday night. We put the Vikings game on the TV and had the Saints/Dolphins game on the computer. We are football/computer nerds, possibly the worst kind of nerds in the world. It's sad.

The Saints won, though. That's the important thing. And Ricky Williams looked pretty sharp. The literally dozens of Saints fans scattered across the country heaved a sigh of relief.

I'm so ready for the football season to get started that I've gotten out the Sega and been playing NFL Football '94 Starring Joe Montana. I suppose it's an anachronism now, but it's a fine fun game, I think. Besides, I also get to play Sonic the Hedgehog and Street Fighter II now. Video games rule!

Through no planning of mine I've eaten TWO gardenburgers from Backyard Burgers over the weekend. They're good, but they're not really that good. Sonya and I just got done gorging ourselves on pancakes and hash browns - my new favorite breakfast, now that I've sworn off flesh.

The whole vegetarian thing will be tested this weekend in Biloxi. Meat or no meat, I do intend to eat seafood when I get to the Gulf. Just not too much (and not too much fried) and I should be fine.

Speaking of the trip to Biloxi...while Jen and Sonya are screaming at Simon Le Bon et al I intend to roam the streets of Biloxi and have adventures. Are there any adventures to be had in Biloxi? I'll let you know next week.

Yesterday was fun. I dropped Sonya off at the salon early and crossed Poplar to Old Navy. Don't you love Old Navy? Lots of cheap, decent clothes. I got two polos (after having already got two earlier in the week - I have to wear something to work, after all) and picked up a little purple shirt for the Wife.

After that I scooted down to Bookstar and loitered for an hour or so. Oh yeah, I had some Starbucks coffee! Memphis has only recently acquired a real Starbucks franchise - though there has been a stand at the airport and a vendor at Bookstar for a couple of years now. And I had my first coffee from them yesterday.

Am I behind the times? You bet!

I had a cafe au lait and it was very nice. Still, I don't think they'll put anyone out of business in Memphis. Memphians are fairly loyal to their already-established coffee joints, though I'm sure lots of people will drink the 'Bucks. Hell, Howard Stern hasn't taken over the radio market in this town, as a lot of people predicted at the time he entered.

Memphians, as a rule, are slow to jump on any type of bandwagon. Fads come and go, washing across the rest of the country, and barely effect Memphis at all. It's nice, really. Though I'm afraid in twenty years I won't catch a single retro pop-culture reference.

Then it was off to lunch at Mojo's (good garlicky hummous) and over to White Station to hunt for the post office located there - one of only two post offices in Memphis that can process a passport request on Saturday. We drove up and down White Station but I didn't see one damned post office. We'll try again Thursday or, possibly, in two weeks. Whenever we have the time, is what I'm saying.

Then the comic book store (Gloomcookie #1 - buy it, I say, it's good pretentious fun) and back to Bookstar (for books on Dublin and Paris - the London trip is becoming a safari through the high points of European culture) and then home.

So Sonya went to the salon, right? She got her nails done a bright, shiny red which I dubbed real doll red. We got home and Sonya was laying on the couch, admiring her manicure.

"It's a nice color," she said finally, "for a HOOR!"

I laughed for, like, thirty minutes at that.

Hoor!

HOOR!

HOOR!

See, it's still funny.

After I made my second gardenburger run in as many days (Roxy went with me. She got very hot and tried to attack the girl at the drive-thru - like she always does!) the family friends James and Kent (pictured here, with Sonya) called and wanted us to meet them for drinks. Of course we did. We went to Side Street Grill (new bar for me!) and sat on their patio, enjoying the unseasonably pleasant weather and having a few drinks. Kent and Sonya were impressive; Kent swilled an amazing amount of beer while Sonya knocked back a few martinis and became very happy. We always have colorful conversations with Kent and James; last night we talked about drug use, piercings, travel plans and prank calls. I got Sonya home shortly after eleven and she promptly poured herself into bed. And I played more Sega football.

On the way home from Side Street I stopped at the Circle K to grab a big can of Schlitz Malt Liquor (in tribute to my father, wherever he is). Just as we pulled up a chickie with long, blonde stringy hair wearing a little bitty dress and some strappy high-heeled sandals got out of her big ol' Lincoln and went in the Circle K too.

"So was she a hoor?" I asked Sonya.

"Yup," Sonya replied drunkenly, "she was drivin' that Lincoln, and drinkin' that slurpee."

"Drinking a slurpee makes you a hoor?" I said quizzically.

"It does when you're drinkin' it like she was!" Sonya said enthusiastically and then demonstrated, sticking her tongue out and wiggling it around suggestively.

"How did she drink it?" I asked.

Sonya stuck her tongue out and did it again. Sonya's a cute drunk.

Today we went to West Memphis and visited the parents and in-laws and what have you. Everyone was happy over there. Would you believe my nephew Joe has gone off to college? Incredible. He's all grown up.

How you doin' there, Dawne?

And Joe, if you read this send me an e-mail, if you can. It's the best way to keep in touch.

After that, Sonya and I came back to Memphis and picked up Jen and James for some symbiotic grocery shopping - we have a nice big car with trunk, they have a shopping cart at home. It's a bitch for them to go shopping in Jen's Miata, and it's always an adventure for Sonya and I to get our groceries from street-level up to the Williams Penthouse.

It worked out very well.

back'ard

latest

archive

for'ard