I went drinking with Flipper and Pooh, the coworkers, again last night. They have to work New Year's, like me (see below), so we went ahead and did some celebratin' last night. We started at Automatic Slim's and ended up at Have a Nice Day Cafe, an ersatz '70s disco. The music was fun, though, even if the crowd was odd (late thirties, hard-eyed divorcees, early thirties guys with beer bellies jerking awkwardly to the music). We danced a lot and made fun of people.

I was working on vodka all night and had a vile hangover when I woke up. But water, PBJ, coffee and Advil will put it right.

I hope.

It's sad, really.

For work, I have to stay home, at my computer, all of New Year's Eve and into New Year's Day, so that I can update the company web site.

Still, I do get to do it from home.

So, with that in mind, I'll make pithy observations and random jokes throughout the day.

8:45 a.m.: This is good news, I guess. Boris Yeltsin has stepped down and those crazy-ass Arabs over yonder let those people off the plane. Happy New Year, hostages!

So far, a few places have entered 2000; no apocalypse, no widespread chaos. That's a nice thing about a near-instantaneous worldwide media system: if the world starts ending America can watch it happen in a relaxing fashion throughout the day and be ready for pillaging and looting when night falls tonight. God Bless America.

10:03 a.m.: CNN has some really cute correspondents, you know? The co-anchor on CNN (not Headline News) today has kind of a Gina Gershon/Raquel Welch thing going on, Siobhan Darrow, the Moscow correspondent, has cheekbones you could cut your finger on and the lead reporter in London (the one with the goofy Welsh name) is just pinch-cheeking precious.

Nothing sells news like cute chicks, I suppose.

3:18 p.m.: Kathy, as I said in an earlier entry, gave me a pair of Liberty Bowl tickets. With my stay-at-home assignment - which I found out about only yesterday afternoon - I wasn't going to be able to make it, but Sonya was going to go.

That got shot to hell, though, when Sonya started running a fever and puking. So she's staying home today, too. I suppose, if you want to look for a bright side, that it's good that we didn't have anything too special planned, since I can't leave the house and Sonya is violently ill.

Jen and James are down, though, so at least we get to hang out with cool people. We got some takeout from the Gridiron (Sonya, who went pale at the mention of food from the neighborhood greasepit, had soup) and now, believe it or not, we're watching Jen's DVD copy of - get ready for this - Xanadu! Yes, Xanadu, Olivia Newton-John's ill-advised roller-disco-meets-Greek-mythology-meets-Gene-Kelley movie. A stinker of epic proportions, even though it does have a catchy soundtrack.

I think we'll have to watch Strange Days before this night is over.

5:34 p.m.: Well, we made it past midnight in Israel, right? I figure if the Lord didn't appear on the Mount of Olives at the stroke of midnight and start smiting people we're probably going to be alright.

Really, though, that whole region loves to start shit. If they made it through without blowing each other up everything from here on out is candy.

Next up: London and, more specifically, Greenwich Mean Time. If you hear a sputtering sound and then a whistling over your head you might want to get away. It could be a FedEx plane falling out of the sky.

6:21 p.m.: A New Year's prediction for Memphis: the only thing in the city that will not by Y2K compliant are car alarms. At midnight they will all start yammering and yowling like a pack of electrocuted dogs and their owners will have to beat them into silence. This will happen, again and again, all across the country.

No more car alarms!

8:27 p.m.: James and I ran down to Landry's to get some take-out for the New Year's feast. While there are rumors of closed streets and road blocks we managed to drive right down there and back.

We were sitting at the bar, waiting for our food and watching the hoo-ha at the Millennium Dome in London. A bunch of people were running around, dressed like fairies.

"It would be cool," James said, "if the next entertainers to come out were those guys with the big top hats who paint their bellies to look like big faces."

"Hundreds of 'em!" I laughed, "streaming in all the exits!"

Then I did my best James Mason accent to commentate.

"Hundreds of painted-belly top-hat guys are pouring into the building...the silence is absolute...the Queen is unamused...she's taking a brick out of her purse and throwing it at the belly-men..."

And if you've been watching CNN I hope you saw Larry King show his vast ignorance while talking to the Dalai Lama.

Larry King said:

• "So what year is it in your Muslim calendar?"
• "Whatever year it is in your faith or whatever..."

Oh, you fucking moron. Fire him, already.

9:28 p.m.: Oh, wow! Look! On CBS! You just missed it! Lou Gramm, Don McLean, Tom Jones and Kenny Rogers - all on one stage!

11:13 p.m.: Nothing to report, much. The lights are still on, apparently, on the east coast. Jen is on her second bottle of champagne. I think she has a problem.

I went to walk the dog a little while ago; it's a perfect night for being outside, cool, no wind. Of course, I'm chained to the computer. Still, I recommend you go out, if you're in Memphis. It's a nice night for it.

Also, if you're in Memphis (and male) you'll probably want to know that one of the hosts of the big party down on Beale Street is the Watson's Girl. Watson's sells pools, pool tables, tanning beds and hot tubs. The star of their commercials is the Watson's Girl, who usually appears with her generous curves nearly overflowing a skimpy bathing suit. She is much loved in the region. If you go see her, get an autograph for me, okay.

11:57 p.m.: Man, that's a lot of zeros coming our way....

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