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as you wish After I bought some groceries this morning I thought about taking in a matinee, but once I was back home inside where it was warm, I didn't feel like leaving the house again. I told myself that there was enough to keep me occupied without venturing back out into the cold and that was the end of my contact with the rest of the world for the day. At least I managed to avoid my usual Tuesday slump today even though I didn't do that much else worthwhile mentioning. I can't really describe my mood. The usual terms of happy and sad just don't seem adequate. Indifferent sounds too much like apathetic and that wouldn't be true either. The best that I can come up with is that I seem to be in a slow phase again where everything around me is very calm and I have no intention of changing it. Maybe I am waiting for something to happen, but I'm not quite sure what I want that something to be. Some of what I wrote yesterday is still lingering in my mind. Maybe there is something missing from my life and that may or may not be filled by a girlfriend. I don't know. It isn't as though I am looking for direction from another person or expect every aspect of my life to be shaped by someone else. I've had that happen in the past and it is not something that I want to repeat. I have a very string personality and I am not looking for someone to argue with on a daily basis. I would rather talk with someone than argue. When a new woman does enter into my life, it will have to be a very gradual process. In the past I almost immediately launched into what I have heard some people call the nesting phase. One moment we knew one another and then the next we were living with each other. All of it happened very fast, which made it exciting, but sadly also made it end just as fast. I truly doubt that I will live with another woman unless I have known her for at least a year. I want things to work better the bext time and not fall to pieces. Over time I have become very attached to my personal space and that will not be something that I will easily sacrifice without knowing that it is for the right person. I'm not as young or as malleable as I used to be and it takes longer for me to adjust to changes in my life. A new woman in my life shouldn't reinvent my world, but she should make it better by being in it. Of course I have yet to meet someone that meets those requirements, but then again maybe I ask too much or I am going about it the wrong way.
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