Michelangelo sibyl from the Sistine Chapel

 

alone at last

Saturday night Sunday morning at work was wonderful. It was the second night in a row without any managers lurking around and I tried to take full advantage of it. Unfortunately I didn't get as much done as I had hoped that I would. Only part of the night was spent reading about Venice and I didn't add that much to my itinerary.

Instead of reading all that I wanted to do was sleep and Nicole almost caught me when I started to doze off. She thought that she could sneek up on me, but I heard her before she got too close.

...

After sleeping for all of three hours this morning, I slowly made my way over to my parents' house for the day. There were a couple of reasons for my going to visit. First of all I wanted to wish my dad a happy father's day and secondly my mom said that I needed to fix some things on their computer for them.

When I arrived I saw that my niece was digging holes in the garden so I walked over to see why. After talking with her I found out that she had been eating cherries earlier in the day and wanted to start her own cherry tree using the seeds that she had got. I just love the way that the mind of a four year old operates. Everything is so simple and straightforward.

I had never seen someone so focused on digging a hole. She kept telling me that it had to be bigger as she kept on digging with the shovel that was just her size.

...

Maybe with all of this talk about Nicole, it might be time for me to find a new girlfriend. For the longest time I have given excuses as to why I didn't care about not having one, but I am starting to come around to the idea again. There are, however, still some reservations on my part. Over the years I've become less and less enchanted with the idea of being with someone. Everything seems to sour after a time and I often wonder why the bad starts to outweigh the good.

Some might say that I don't try hard enough when I am involved with someone, while others say that I just haven't found the right person yet. Personally I don't know what to believe anymore. What I do know is that I need to avoid any of the mistakes that I made in the past. I know that that sounds like common sense, but most people seem to abandon common sense when they get involved with someone. Thinking takes second place to emotion and other more prinal urges.

First of all I do not want to be involved with a woman who has to be entertained all of the time. I can not be that person. I need my down time and personal space. Nor do I want to be with someone who has some kind of personal agenda on her mind. My life is not clearly mapped out for the next ten years and that doesn't mean that I am looking for someone to do it for me.

I realize that I probably still sound bitter, but over the years the whole concept of romance has become less and less appealing to me. More often than not a couple spends their time arguing and that just doesn't make sense to me anymore and I'm not sure that it ever did. Some people feel that this working through differences brings a couple closer together, but in my experience it generally points out why the two people shouldn't be together in the first place.

Maybe somewhere in the future some woman will prove me wrong, but I have yet to see that happen. Of course previous girlfriends have said that I will die alone, so I must be more of an asshole than I thought. Damn. I sound positively cuddly today.

Those couples that repeatedly break up and then get back together over the years truly amaze me. I guess that this is where the phrase if it was meant to be comes into play. For me, however, all ties seem to get cut once a relationship ends. I mean I guess that I could call Brenda, but I'm not sure what we would say to each other. I could tell her about me going to Europe, but that never meant anything to her. On the other hand I could ask if she is pregnant, but I wouldn't know what to say after that point. Personally I think that we are both much happier where we are now without each other.

The longest that I stayed friends with a previous girlfriend after a breakup was two years and I'm not sure if that is indicative of anything or not. Part of me regrets not being able to talk with her, but I know that she is married now so I'll leave her alone. Her life has gone on without me and I've moved on without her. To me this all seems very natural.

Time to put the Mighty Mighty Bosstones into the cd player and cue up Someday I Suppose.

 
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