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22 October 2000 Ann was in a good mood when I got into work last night. Before she left she made me a miniature whip, along with a matching set of handcuffs and G-string. Her medium of choice for these fine articles was twist ties that we had lying around in our department. To further enhance the whip she used a rubberband for the lash portion of the whip. Now all that I need is an S&M Barbie doll so that I can display them properly. The woman has so many different hidden talents. ... Before I left Saturday morning I dropped off a card in Ann's inbox. It was a combination of a Sweetest Day card and me just being silly. Actually I toned down the sentiment just in case she might take it the wrong way. On the front of the card it said: I like you so much that if I were a cat Then on the inside it said: I'd be ramming my head into your leg all day long. Yes, I can be very corny, but I still knew that she would get a kick of it. I had seen it when I got her birthday card and remembered that she was lamenting the fact that Sweetest Day was this Saturday. She said that they didn't have that day in the South or at the very least no one had ever gotten her anything on that day. Hearing this made me wonder why they wouldn't have it, since its nothing more than a Hallmark invention and I doubt that they would want to alienate a potential customer base. ... I imagine that people must be wondering when the hero of this story (me) will ever find his true love. When will some woman come along and complete his life. My answer to such questions would be that I don't know. More often than not I feel as though that that person does not exist or at the very least that she is an ideal that will never be reached. Yes, I am cold hard reality, but that doesn't make me hopeless. The older I get I also tend to think that a person has to find happiness in the smaller moments. Emotions fade and people change. Love grows and dies. I am not bitter. I am older and slightly wiser. ... From all of my old girlfriends I gained something that I will always have with me. There are moments in my mind that can never be lost. I will never forget lounging in a porcelain tub with Tracy, the room filled with candles. Feeding her cheesecake. Feeling her body next to mine. Warm and free from all concerns. I will never forget going to the movies with Brenda. It was a weekly event for us. Simple yet fun. I will never forget waking up to see Tracy looking at me. When I asked her what she was doing, she said that she was just watching me sleep. Something about that just made me feel that much closer to her. I will never forget the way Brenda would roll over to my side of the bed when I went to work in the morning. When I asked her why she would do such a thing, she said that she did that so that she could smell me when I was gone. I will never forget the way that Darcy would bundle up under her scarf in the winter. Only her eyes were visible. ... I've been feeling rather upbeat lately. Now this might have to do with Ann or it might simply be because my weekend is finally here. I can't say. More than likely it is probably a combination of the two. Sometimes I wonder if it would be okay if I died tomorrow. I don't mean that in a suicidal way, but more in a have I done what I wanted to do with my life kind of way. Today I think that the answer would be yes. I can't think of any outstanding or unresolved issues. I've had some fun and some pain in my life, but to me that only makes sense. Out of nowhere I am feeling very zen this evening.
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