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some february rain Most of this week has left me feeling rather defeated. Starting with the failed exam on Monday followed by the arguments in class, there hasn't been much to make me feel good about myself. Now I realize that I can take the exam again and I probably will very soon. I also know that my literature class will focus on other books later in the semester and I'll do fine. It's just that both of these things made me feel more tired than usual. I need some time to myself or at the very least something that'll make me smile. ... Work has also been a drain on me for most of the week. I'm not allowed to use most of what I learned in class last week, not that I expected anything else. Our department is only allowed to do certain things everything else is to be left to the department above us. Three other people in my department have been asking for more money and or a promotion. None of them got want they wanted. Morale is not high. All of these things have an indirect effect on me. ... In the morning a cold hard rain was falling as I drove home from work. Later in the afternoon when I woke up it had changed to blowing snow. Winter is still here. ... Somewhere above the earth the international space station got a little more crowded with the addition of the shuttle crew and I wish that I was there. To be able to see the earth from that perspective just once would be amazing. To be able to tumble above the earth over and over. ... Hours later at work the following conversation happened: coworker - You should go out with that girl. (the girl in question is Ann) me - We went out a couple of times last year. We had some fun, but I'm not her type. coworker - Is she really pregnant? me - Yes. (a little over six months I believe - how he couldn't tell I don't know) coworker - She doesn't know who the father is? me - Yes, she does. She was just joking. coworker - How old is she? me - Twenty-three. coworker - Wow. She looks so young. me - She already has two daughters. coworker - No way. me - Here look at the photo here on her desk. Now the conversation when on a little longer, but I still found it amusing. The coworker isn't the sharpest crayon in the box, but he did seem to pick up on a few things watching the two of us. Obviously Ann and I get along, but I know full well that she has no interest in me. She wants someone that can talk shop with her better than I can. I also think that she wants someone that makes more money than we do. We tease and flirt with one another, but that's about the extent of it. Ann and I probably get a little too friendly at work, but neither of us seems to mind. Maybe I let my head linger too long on her shoulder when she is showing me something on her computer screen. Maybe I shouldn't massage her neck and shoulders for her. Maybe we should cut down on the sexual innuendoes. Putting a stop to some of those things might be the right thing to do, but it probably won't happen. I think that what we do keeps both of us a little more sane. Okay. Everyone can stop holding their breath. I am not in love with Ann, but I did offer to take her to see another performance of Irish dancing. The only problem is that the date falls awfully close to her due date and I'm not sure I want to be the one rushing her to the hospital. That might be crossing a certain social line. I don't know.
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