clouds of jupiter


rejection my friend

After work this morning, I read some news that wasn't completely unexpected, but at the same time not something that I had hoped to hear. To sum it up quickly graduate school is not going to be happening for me or at least not where I thought it was going to be. So in the span of one week I've managed to eliminate both Plan A and Plan B for the next few months of my life. Sometime soon I need to develop a Plan C.

Naturally the letter was worded very politely.

Dear Eric,

You will soon receive, or may already have received, a letter from the Graduate School here at (the university where I applied) informing you that your application for admission to our graduate program was not approved. This year's competition was unusually intense, and we had to deny admission to some very fine applicants. Our decision was not an easy one.

Our selection committee consisted of members of the graduate faculty who assisted me in the reading and evaluation of every application. In another year, under different conditions, your application might very well have been successful, and we are indeed sorry to lose you as a student. The entire committee joins me in wishing you a successful graduate career, and in thanking you for your interest in our program.

Now granted I didn't apply at numerous places nor did I have that much time to do so, but it does still bother me. When I showed the letter to Ann, she was quick to point out that the place where I applied isn't the best of colleges, which does and doesn't make me feel better. If a mediocre school won't take me, then why would a better one?

Then I start to think some more and I wonder is graduate school something that I really want to pursue. Do I want it bad enough to quit my job and leave the state? Do I want to completely change my life for the next two years? Do I want to live the life of a poor student again? Can I give up the standard of living that I am used to having now?

I don't know would be my first response.

In some ways I have all of the freedom in the world. I'm not married. Nor do I have any children from the past to support. Hell, I don't even have a girlfriend to consider in my future. Everything that I do affects me and me alone. I could fuck it up royally and no one would be the worse for it except me. Knowing this to be true doesn't really help either.

Then I start to wonder why am I here in Milwaukee? Shouldn't I run away to the big city to find my destiny and then as soon as I think it I realize how silly that seems to me. I'm not twenty years old anymore where the big city has some kind of magical allure to me. I know that most places are generally the same, what really matters is how I react to it. Besides the big city idea is so cliche to me that I don't think that I could do it without wetting my pants from laughing so hard.

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