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moody moody moody I have to say it. I have been so moody lately and I have no idea why. Either time keeps standing still for me or I never seem to have enough of it. Then added to that effect is the feeling that happiness is always slightly out of reach or at least it seems that way to me. Okay. Enough with the cliches. Sometime after class yesterday I just lost all of my ambition. There was a paper to write, but I didn't do it. There was a book to read, but I didn't read it. There was an exam to study for and I didn't do it. There were telephone calls that I needed to make and I didn't make them. A sad trend was starting to take effect and I didn't care. ... If time travel were a possibility, I think that I would go back in time and beat the living crap out of my eighteen year old self. Okay, maybe I need to back the story up a step. In the mail I got a second letter that explained in more detail why I had been denied admission into graduate school. It seems that my grade point average wasn't high enough, which is something that I feared might happen. My very first semester of college rewarded me with a stunning G.P.A. of 1.87. Yes, indeed, I was taking the academic world by storm. Now looking back I can see that my credit load at the time was insane if not overly ambitious. I believe that it was fifteen credits with ten of them being science. A "C" in both of them was not something that was easy to offset and then there was the ever loving "D" in a two credit math class that in retrospect I never should have taken. Finally there was the "C" in freshman English to seal my fate. It didn't matter that I got my act together in my sophmore year and had consistent 3.0 grade points from that point forward. That first semester haunted me all of the way through my undergrad career and it still seems to be haunting me today. I guess the stock answer would be that I never had to study when I was in high school and as a result did not develop good study habits for college. Mix in the pleasure of having a roommate that annoyed me to no end and some odd attempts at having a social life to further weigh me down. Finally my not having a clue about what I wanted to do in life pretty much doomed me at that time. If I could I would slap my younger self silly, but that would mean that I regret my past and I really don't. Quite simply I made some poor choices back then and sometimes I still do. ... I keep talking as though my life were ruined, but I can think of a much worse time in my life. ... Before I left work this morning, my boss asked me in private if I knew whether or not Ann was looking for another job. I said that she had been but that their recent talk was enough to change her mind. From what I could see they must have been able to reach an understanding between them, because most of that talk has faded away. My boss knew that he had put me in an awkward spot, but I have never been very good at lying. I also think that we need to have a similar discussion when I pass the exam.
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