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people making decisions Last week Thursday before I handed in my paper on Jack Maggs I was asked by the professor to analyze my own paper. She wanted to know if I saw any common themes between this one and the one that I wrote earlier in the semester. I did. For me it was all about the amount of control that people do or do not have over their lives. In Great Expectations Jaggers and Wemmick as agents of the law were my primary subjects. To me both of them were able to survive the best in London, because they understood the law yet at the same time weren't completely dehumanized by it. Perhaps I came across sounding more like a Fascist than I intended, but they were the only two characters that didn't let their emotions rule them to any great degree. The main character Pip is so misguided with his thoughts towards Estella and his general rise in life that he can't ever really see what is happening around him. In other words he hasn't a clue as to what he should do with his life. He lives off of these abstract ideas that never seem to happen for him. Then in Jack Maggs I came back to this topic from a slightly different angle. In this novel, that was Great Expectations from the point of view of Magwitch, three men were bound together through property and social class, yet they managed to free themselves from this odd union by ignoring those rules of class. So what does all of this have to do with me? Well, I was the one that wrote the papers and in some ways that is exactly how I see my life at the moment. I keep trying to figure out where I am supposed to be in society and what rules really apply to me. At the moment I am convinced that I should not be working a standard nine to five business world job. Ever so slowly it is killing me. Personally I truly believe that the business world is run by morons. Okay, maybe the business world isn't run by morons but I certainly have no interest in it. Money is only so important to me. Yes, I would like more of it, but I also doubt that I'll ever be rich. There isn't a Magwitch in my past who will surface in the future to change everything. I also know that I'm probably not aggressive enough in the business world to rise faster than I do. I simply won't talk the talk and do the walk. I have never been very good at being a prostitute. Hey, baby, I got what you want right here. I know how to make you happy and I'm worth the price that I'm asking. Now the next question would be what am I doing to change my current situation or am I resigned to my supposed fate? Well, for most of this week, I've felt almost completely defeated and have been beating myself up quite frequently over it. I've also been spending money on very foolish things. Neither of these courses of action have done much to improve my mood and some of this has been bleeding over into work. Quite honestly I did not want to be there this week. Something in me had just had enough. Knowing that I realistically won't be able to get another job until I get back from my trip has really been bothering me and I'm not sure why either. Months ago I knew that this was going to happen, but that doesn't make me feel any better. Okay. Time to switch gears here. To borrow a thought or a what if scenario from the movie Office Space, if I did have all the money that I needed and didn't have to work what would I do? Supposedly the answer should clue you in to what kind of career path you should follow. For example if I said that I would work on my car than I should be a mechanic. However my answer would be that I'd travel. Now where does that leave me? Somehow I don't think that I have the legs to be a flight attendant and any job that requires a name tag is not for me. I am not that big of a people person. ... Class went well today. I had had my doubts about my paper, but I still managed to get a good grade on it. Despite some of my flawed rambling here, I can cobble together something a little more coherent if the need is great enough. ... Wednesday night Ann made her triumphant return to work and it was good to see her.
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