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sensing something amiss Maybe what I was trying to say yesterday is that for most of the week, I haven't really been myself. The feeling that either something has changed or is about to change in my life is getting stronger and stronger. Now that I read that again I can tell that it sounds extremely vague at best, but I don't know how to explain it without sounding paranoid or foolish. Tonight for the first time in a week I spoke with Her. She had been out of town on vacation for most of the week and it was good to talk with her again. She had said that she would call and I had been lingering around the house waiting for that call. Damn, either that makes me really sad or slightly cute. I don't know at the moment. We talked as we usually do, but then there was one thing that she said that made me cautious. She either had something that she wanted to ask or tell me in person. Now ask and tell are two very different verbs in the English language and one of them seems far more negative to me than the other. Of course maybe I am simply overreacting. Sigh. Sometimes I let my mind run wild with scenarios where my emotions take control. To be blunt I think that I am feeling very vulnerable at this time. Well, that last line certainly doesn't sound very manly. ... I dreamt that I was the focus of a Kevin Smith film, but I can't remember the details anymore. ... Two commercials that I saw on television have been on my mind lately. One of them has a thirty-something man walking through a grocery store with two small children in tow. Actually they seem to be towing him as a woman does a voiceover. She is talking about him and the way that he has changed. Yes, there isn't as much time to go to the gym to maintain that thirty-two inch waist. There isn't as much time to work out at at all, but the workout that he gets being a father is more than enough to compensate. This makes him even more sexy in her eyes. Well. Food for thought. Sentimental manipulation. Possibly my furture. I don't know and I can't quite remember what they were selling in the first place. It might have been Diet Coke. The second commercial. This time a man is doing a voiceover as a woman is moving about a sunny haze inside a house. He is talking about how when they first started seeing one another she wore sexy underwear just like the kind that one would see in magazines or television ads, but over time that slowly changed. Now what he sees in the hamper is that soft cotton kind that is more practical. That doesn't matter now, because he loves her even more. Once again. Food for thought. Sentimental manipulation. Possibly my furture. I don't know and I can't quite remember what they were selling in the first place. It might have been Hanes Her Way. Strange thoughts my friends. ... Ann loves to tease me about who I am seeing. She keeps wanting to know what is going to happen next. I do my best to take it all in stride. Suddenly being in Europe a year ago is less confusing than what is happening in my life right now.
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