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jem and scout In my recent mental haze I failed to notice that on Monday the journal turned four years old so hopefully today I can make up for the oversight. During the lifetime of the journal I've changed jobs, cars and girlfriends. No, that is not the order of importance either. Those were just some of the things that first came to my mind. A quick list of the obvious I suppose. I like to think that I have grown slightly wiser over the past four years, but I don't know. Honestly I think that I have more unanswered questions than I did when I started the journal. Life gets more and more complicated as I get older and I often wonder why I didn't appreciate being ten years old more than I did. I guess that some people call that nostalgia. I can say however that I amazed that I still manage to write. The quality is far from even and I don't always come across that clear, but the journal still serves a purpose for me. It still makes me happy. Here scattered amongst my odd rants and goofy observations are some true glimpses into who I am as a person. Maybe I'm slightly more mellow than I was four years ago. Maybe I appreciate the smaller details in life a little more than I did then. I like to tell myself that these things are true, but one can never be completely objective about one's life. I know that I still love art. Vermeer, John Singer Sargent and Edward Hopper are beyond words for me. I know that I love to travel. Canada, Europe and Australia all fell under my gaze during the past four years and I know that I'm not finished yet. I want to see more. I know that I can still have a woman break my heart. I know that I still get confused when I see Her. I want to hold Her. I want to touch Her. I want to make all of her problems go away. It all sounds simple, but it isn't. ... Thirty-one years old and I still wonder about some of the most basic aspects of life. Why do people hurt one another? What do people want from life? Are people motivated primarily by greed and or fear? Do people need to be told what to do? I guess that I wanted to say something profound today, but it didn't happen. What it comes down to is that I don't have that many answers. I just try to do the best that I can in life. I'll probably only have one time around so I don't want to squander my time.
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