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what comes next 09:00 am I must confess that I've been a little more chatty than usual and I wish that the cause for this were something more positive. Obviously with what happened to my grandma, I've been thinking about death, dying and illness probably more than I should. Some of what has gone through my mind makes sense, but some of it doesn't. Life really is short and I guess I also believe that I only get one try at it. Reincarnation always struck me as diminishing a person in some ways. Maybe it sounds selfish, but I only want there to be one version of me. I might not get it right but I don't want to keep on trying over and over until the end of time. All of that just sounds miserable to me. I like the idea of my body going back into the soil and then in some distant part of the future when the earth decays, I'll be floating through space as some basic element of matter and or star stuff. Of course before that happens I'll be food for worms unless I go the cremation route. The harsh reality is that my grandma will never be the same and I am not using that phrase the way the media did a few months ago. Her world is changed. Her body has failed her and more than likely will not get that much better. There is hope though and that seems to be what keeps most people alive. Can't move one side of the body. Slurred speech. I guess that you could call those kinds of things the after effects if that makes it sound any better. Not enough oxygen to the brain. There are others, but those are the ones that I remember the most. I haven't seen her and my parents are keeping the people that do see her to a minimum. I can understand. ... I didn't get to speak that much with Nicole Friday night Saturday morning. The two times that I saw her she was sleeping. Yes, I said sleeping. If the person in charge is the person who shares your bed, I imagine that you can do what you want whether it be right or wrong. There was a brief telephone exchange before I left but it wasn't the same as Thursday night. Hours later. After falling asleep for a few hours I felt less stressed and made my way to the comic book shop for a special sale that they have once a year. Everything in the store was on sale for twenty five percent off. Yes, that sounds great except for the fact that it makes it easier to buy things that I normally wouldn't. Oh, that didn't stop me from buying something, but at least I only spent twenty dollars instead of a much higher figure.
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