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need to relax On the ride home from work this morning, the sun was in my eyes for the first time in days. It was a nice change of pace. Once again color had been restored to the world. ... I almost felt as though I had to steal Nicole away from someone else just so that I could say hello to her this morning. The two of them were sitting talking and I was going to walk away, but then decided to join them. I mean she did see me and waved. In keeping with my theory she was subdued when I sat down and I don't think it was because I interrupted something important either. Of course I could be wrong, but neither of them said anything. I still don't know what happened to change things between Nicole and I, but it really is bothering me. Plus I am getting the feeling that things will not go back to the way that they were before. Maybe I changed and I don't know it. She doesn't say anything and I am left wondering why. I just want an answer, but I'm old enough to realize that many times an answer is never given. ... Nine thirty in the morning. I've been home for an hour, eaten some food and downloaded some information on Jane Monheit and a song of hers. In half an hour a Cary Grant film that I have never seen will start and hopefully I'll stay awake long enough to see the end. So far this has been a good Sunday. ... Six hours later after the best sleep that I have had in days. The sun has yet to set, but it will soon. Clouds have appeared since I last looked out the window. The cool blue of the morning is a memory now and from what I read the forecast for the rest of the week is cloudy more often than not. I almost made it to the end of My Favorite Wife, but the lure of sleep was too strong. Gone were any more thoughts about why Nicole seems to avoid me. I still wish that I had an answer though. Alias is two and a half hours away and I need to eat what for me would be breakfast. ... Looking back a year ago in the journal, I can see that my move into a place that I owned was the focus of my life. It seems hard to believe that a year has passed, but it was probably one of the best decisions that I made last year. I still love my place and need to make it more personal than I have. It was Jen with her comments that made me realize that it still has elements of a sterile box to it and that is not the image that I want to project. I'm not shooting for Xanadu, but at the same time I want something that is a reflection of me. |