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so many disappointments Lack of time and anything positive to say has kept me away from here for the past few days. I didn't feel like ranting and sleeping seemed like a more constructive use of my time. That may sound sad, but it does seem to work for me. Besides by the time that Friday gets here all that I want to do is sleep. Then as I thought about it some more I decided to vent just a little to see if what work did to me makes more sense to me in written form than it does in my mind. Generally speaking work is still a bad taste in my mouth. Due to their about face on me, I will not be going anywhere this December. Funds that had been set aside for relaxation purposes have now been commandeered for tuition. That was not my plan nor should it have happened that way. I did nothing wrong except believe what they wanted me to believe. Of course they lied. Yes, once again work really knows how to motivate me. Then when my boss was overly chatty on Friday morning I started to wonder if there was some reason for this odd behavior. Should I be expecting another pile of shit to fall on me? ... Hours later. Friday night into this morning was what I needed. It was quiet and I watched an entire episode of Alias without any feelings of guilt. I did what was required of me at work and still managed to have fun. Does that make me a bad employee? I could care less. What I do care about is my relationship and or what could be the loss of one with Nicole. We talked briefly this morning, but she still seems distant although I am beginning to suspect why. What I mean is that I see a pattern to her behavior. If it's just the two of us then she'll talk with me, but if someone else is around then she gets abrupt. Why does that remind me of a bad high school sitcom? Does her fiance think that something is going on between Nicole and I? Was she just spending time with me to get more attention from him? Maybe I need something else to occupy my mind. ... There have been some positive things in my life. For example, there is Jen who asked me to go see Tori Amos with her in December. Originally I was going to be out of state that week, but since work pulled my funding from me, I guess a concert will have to substitute for Barcelona and or New Mexico. Listening to the audio version of The Blind Assassin impressed me so much that I bought a paperback copy on Friday after work. It's odd to open a book and find a passage that you recognize without having read the book. Then again Atwood has a way with words that I love so they have a tendency to stay with me. |