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visiting my grandma For the first time in over a year I visited with my grandmother this morning. It was never my intention to stay away from her for as long as I did, but once she left my parents place to stay with my aunt and uncle, I lost touch with her almost immediately. That change in location made the separation somewhat understandable. My aunt and uncle don't live out of state, but at the same time, for most of my life they weren't people that I saw much beyond Christmas. That once a year a visit didn't expand despite the fact that my grandmother was with them now. I suppose I could have asked if I could visit but I never did. That asking part felt odd to me. Why did I need permission to see someone that I have known all of my life? Seeing her was nice, but sad as well. Physically it looked as though she had gained some weight and I mean that in a positive sense. From what I have seen, people tend to shrivel as they get older, so any sign of muscle and or gain in mass isn't seen as a negative as much as it is for younger people. No. What caused my discomfort had to do with her interacting with my family and me. It was limited. Without citing anything too specific, she isn't as sharp mentally as I remember her being the last time that we spoke. Plus I'm not sure if she would have recognized me if my mom hadn't told her who I was standing there. I'm not oblivious to the fact that a stroke changes a person as old age does in general, but that is a fear of mine. Slowly losing my mind is not something that excites me. Every once in a while I wonder what is going to happen to me when my mind starts to get hazy? Will I ever be confined to a wheelchair and dependent on other people when I need to use the bathroom or bathe myself? Will I have trouble remembering the names of my family? Hopefully these things if they ever do occur are still forty some years in my future. |