Find A Girlfriend

For some reason, I am unable to sleep. Its not as though I had an exhausting day, so that might explain it. However, I think that it has to do with a conversation that I had with my parents earlier. My parents were glad to hear that my money problems have been solved. Of course during the conversation, the idea of me getting a girlfriend was mentioned. Yes, when will I get one. Its been a year since I freed myself from Tracy, Miss Self Destruction 1996.

Sometimes the thought of having a girlfriend just shatters my calm little world. It could either be the best thing in the world for me or yet another downward spiral that I would have to free myself from in a year. I sound so positive don't I?

What have I got to lose? Go out and get her. I just don't know. Working the odd hours that I used to work definitely cut down my chances of meeting someone, but now that I have rejoined the ranks of the nine to five group I can't use that excuse anymore.

Have you ever noticed that women love to make sure that all of their guy friends are seeing someone. Now that might just be a generalization, but one girl I knew took pride in being a matchmaker. I stopped talking to her for just that reason.

I'll be the first to admit that I am not the most outgoing of people. Plus I avoid bars like the plague. Both of my last two girlfriends met me under some strange circumstances anyway and it was not in a bar. They seem to find me rather than me finding them. So there is my problem. I need to find them before they find me. That way it just might work this time.

The holidays are the worst when you are single. The media just saturates everyone with the idea of romance and the holidays. Then the relatives are over and you get to tell them that you are not seeing anyone. On the other hand holidays are much cheaper when you are single.

So what am I looking for in a girlfriend? At times I have no idea anymore. Just suppress that libido and keep moving on.

Besides Tracy told me that I would die alone and I can't let her down. She was so wise after all. Am I bitter? What am I afraid of? I don't know. Nor do I care at times.

Oh well, I am going to try to go back to sleep now. All by myself.

The preceding paragraphs were written shortly after midnight.

Today was much better than yesterday. Class went well and I got my haircut.

For part of the morning I was still thinking about the whole girlfriend issue, but most of that momentum has left me.

I took a nap this evening and now my mind is numb. I am awake, but not really alert.

This happens every so often. I have nothing to say. In Buddhist terms, I guess that I have achieved nirvana. Nirvana is a state of being, free of fear and desire.