Career Path

I guess that I knew all along what was bothering Brenda and I was to blame. It has been a long time since I had to be romantic or concerned about what someone else might want to do. When you live alone, no one is going to complain if you go to bed early for some unknown reason.

Very few women like to stay home every night and Brenda is not one of them. Of course the odds of me meeting someone like that are bad because they never leave the house.

My year of priesthood as Brenda calls it has ended. It was easy to be introspective and fall into myself for a year. I donít regret any of what I did last year, but I am ready to get my head out of my ass and move on. So here I am putting the hookah aside, standing up and stepping off the lotus.

I know full well that I am partly to blame where I am today in job terms. My casual mood toward business combined with my somewhat punk attitude hasn't moved me up the corporate ladder very quickly. I guess that I am willing to wear a tie again for more money. Its fun being the brash eccentric in the computer department, but it also pays to be more of a good soldier. I need to work on my eager to please image and stop being a missing member of the Ramones.

Its definitely time to move forward and learn something new, because I can do my current job in my sleep. Nick said that he would get me more involved with what Kae and him do all day. They do more sophisticated things with the system than I do and I really do need to learn more of that area to succeed in my field.

Brenda has moved steadily forward each year in her career and I admire that in her. She went to school and got a job that she likes and makes good money. I on the other hand drifted from here to there and back again. Nothing really seemed to hold my interest for very long. Computers will always change though so this field seems to be working for me.

I have really recreated myself since college. At heart I will always be a somewhat offbeat hack writer and painter, but now I realize that I have to follow through on something. Art is vague and exciting at the same time, but unless a person is truly committed there will never be any money. All of this is coming from someone who hasn't picked up a paintbrush in over a year.

Some people might think that I am setting myself up for a fall here by denying a part of myself just to make money. I like to think that I will still be able to find the time to be artsy. Even now I write my journal entries at work. So who knows maybe in the future I will be able to write a screenplay or something at a better job. It always seems to me that the more money you make, the less time you have to invest in your job.

What worries me is that Brenda doesn't seem to believe me when I tell her that she makes more money than I do. My Spartan lifestyle is partly by choice and partly out of necessity. No, I am not getting a better job just because of her either. If she wanted to get rid of me, because I didnít make enough money that would make her pretty shallow.

We will be the first to admit that we are two very different people at times. All that I have to do is say the word erudite or the phrase iambic pentameter and I get a blank stare from her. I take that last sentence back. She did recognize the phrase iambic pentameter as being musical in nature, because she used to play a musical instrument. On the other hand, I sometimes smirk when she starts to talk about budgets and staffing problems. Its like listening to a third world leader or something.

My friend here at work is letting me email my entries to my house for easier uploading. I guess that I could go the extra step and upload them, but this gives me a chance to look at them one more time before they hit the journal.