Finest Worksong

Wednesday mornings are three meetings in a row. I see this as both a time killer and a nice chance for me to relax. Meetings let me see how people interact. People talk in a more business like manner and weave elaborate scenarios about how something should be done. Everything has to follow a process. Plans must be made and dates scheduled. This person has to coordinate with this person and this person has to speak with this person. Sometimes a conflict comes into play and has to be resolved. Questions such as do we have enough resources to tackle this effort or is there enough focus on this client are raised. The amount of ritual that is involved is amazing. Personally I find the whole thing to very amusing.

Even though I do not fully understand the meetings, I still see them are being worthwhile. I know that need to talk more like these people if I want to continue in this field. I also realize how much more I need to learn before I can move forward.

I spent part of this morning reading my latest issue of National Geographic. This magazine has been a part of my life for the past seventeen years. My grandparents were the ones who got me the original gift subscription years ago and I have never stopped getting it.

Reading National Geographic makes the world seem much more positive. Page after page of color photographs of things that I have never seen and may never see in my life. I remember that there was a time when I thought that it would be fun to work for them. Sometimes I still think about it, but I have no idea what I would do for them. Dreaming is still fun though.

One article that impressed me was about a man riding a bicycle around the continent of Australia. This was the second installment in a three part series. It took him nearly a year to complete the trip.

I decided this morning to collage my cube at work with maps and anything else that catches my eye. I want it to be my work in progress. For me the office cube is equivalent to a locker in high school, because people decorate them exactly the same way. I want to be more original than everything from photos of friends and family to posters of favorite travel spots. My goal is to have a fishtank in my next cube or possibly office.

The cube becomes a personal soapbox until big brother asks the person to take something down.

My whole mood has changed since I wrote the first part of this entry. Most of the day was a complete waste of my time. I just wanted to leave at noon. Nick shared my mood and went off for about half an hour late in the afternoon. My job keeps getting more and more stressful and I have very little to show for it.

Our department takes way too much shit and doesn't hand out enough of it. God, I just want to fucking scream most of the time. All of the bullshit really got to me today. I have no idea why either. Maybe I let it build or something.

Its times like this where I just want to hit something. Oh, I know that it is the typical male reaction, but hitting something feels good sometimes. My brother has a large punching bag in my parents basement, but I am not going to drive there just hit it. I need something like that in my house.

Oh, I talk big, but even when I was in tae kwon do, I didn't hit until I was hit. Some people call it passive aggressive, but I could care less. Once I am hit, I fucking come right back on that person. More than once I was warned not to punch in the head, because it is illegal in sparring.

Anger and frustration are not a good combination.

I hope that I feel better tomorrow.

No, I have not gone psycho. I just had a bad day and like to swear even though it might degrade me in some ways. The word fuck certainly gets attention.

Time to relax.

Brenda is not the cause of my stress either. Thank you. Although I do find it hard to talk with someone when I am this irrational. I am feeling better now that I have ranted for a few lines.

Time to relax. Tomorrow is another day. Or as John Lennon said, "...it can't get much worse.."