One More Time

Today's entry will make me sound more irrational than usual, but I am feeling much better now that I am home. I can relax and retreat to my inner sanctum. I want so much to be able to talk about other things besides work. Its hard not to talk about something that takes forty hours of the week from my life though. Well, you can start reading now.

There are times when I wonder what is really holding me back here at this company. I have reached a decision. I am going to mail out resumes starting Monday next week. If not Monday then Wednesday. I am sure that I will be with Brenda for most of Sunday and might not have enough time to do them when she is around.

Part of the day was spent looking for ways to escape. I managed to find out that a friend of mine works for one of our competitors. Tim was the first person that I met when I started to work here. He was also one of the people with me when the building flooded last summer. He knows his stuff and I know that I can work with him. I know that there is no guarantee that I would end up in his department, but it would nice to see a familiar face.

A woman who my supervisor for a few months last year also works there. Bill who I mentioned yesterday is also thinking about working there. The exodus begins.

My original intention had been to stay and learn as much as possible and then move on. A few things have changed this plan. One of them is that I am unhappy with the poor learning curve that they have here. Very little of what we do is documented and we rely on the knowledge of a few key people. Sometimes I am shown something, but I am not always happy with the way the information is presented to me. My most professional response is that some people are better instructors than other people. I am trying to avoid the phrase personality conflict. The problem here is that the one person who knows the most seems impatient when I make a mistake.

I am not looking for continual positive reinforcement, but I think that I could learn more somewhere else. I want to be treated with more respect. I know that my people skills are not the most polished, but I do not feel the need to suck up to someone either.

Resumes are going to be in the mail every week from now on. It is far better to be able to look for a job when you have one already. Saying no is much better than not being able to say anything to a prospective employer.

I wish that I could shout that electronic file transfers are not the entire computer market. Other avenues do exist. Our company is not the holy grail.

Yes, I do want to make more money. What was my budget for groceries has now become the money that I use to eat out with Brenda. I know that I could make equal or greater the amount the she does and that is what I am going to pursue.

For most of the day I was just counting down the hours again. Some of it was spent cleaning my desk. Part of it was spent on the telephone. Part of it was spent finding where to look for a job.

I am pretty sure that Brenda will understand what I want and why I am doing what I am doing. Things have to change.

I am amazed at the emotional hole that I can dig for myself. Now all that I have to do is climb out of it.

I agree with this entry.

I probably will not write again until Sunday or Monday. There is a small photo on the Friday entry for this week. I will be back and I hope to have a new job soon. I also want to say that I know that I should be happy that I have a job and my health, but only a fool lets opportunity pass him by.

Um, I also don't get a thousand hits a week like Beth.