Vicious Cyle

There are times when Brenda and I just do not communicate very well. She can not seem to understand that I am not always in a happy mood. There are days when I just do not feel like talking and that is all that it means. This does not mean that I am angry at her. If she continues to press me, then I will start to be angry with her.

Sometimes women over analyze every fucking emotion and reaction, then build it into something that it is not. Its like I start a chain reaction in her head. Scenarios are built up and studied. What does this mean? Why did he do that? Some of this behavior is evident in some of the journals that I have read, so I know that it is not just Brenda. Tracy also did the same thing so I must be the problem, because I am the only variable that has remained constant in the equation.

I am reminded of a scene from My So Called Life where Claire Danes creates this whole opinion about this guy, because his collar is frayed. Sigh. Whatever happened to talking? Maybe his other clothes were in the wash. All of this is starting to make me feel like I am twelve years old again.

Sometimes Brenda makes the problem worse by buying me more things. I do not want more things from her. The more she buys me the worse that I feel, because I can not afford to buy her anything in return. She becomes offended because she feels that she does so much for me and I am never happy. Nor do I seem to appreciate what she does for me.

I would feel better if she bought me less things and left me alone once in a while. She however keeps buying me things in the hope that I will come to appreciate her more. Its a nice vicous cycle that I can't seem to break. Sigh.

A prime example is that she wants to buy me Riven. Now she has no idea what kind of game this is or what it entails. Little does she realize that it is a game that takes a very long time and is not a group activity. What will hppen is that she will feel neglected when I start to play the game and I will be unable to enjoy the game.

On a more positive note there are days when are moods coincide, but the days when we are out of synch are not fun. I am sure that we will work through this pattern, but at the moment it is bothering me. Then again I am just a dumb guy, so what do I know.

I am done venting for the day. So go outside and blow some stink off as my parents were fond of saying when I was little.