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Absence makes the heart Later - adv
Brenda said on Monday night that she would call me later. I'm not sure what later means anymore. On Saturday it will be two weeks since I have seen her. I used to see her everyday and now I may never see her again. I'll be the first to admit that I am not a very romantic person. This flaw in me hurt Brenda more than once and I can't apologize enough for it. I am reminded of a scene fom Doctor Zhivago where Rod Steiger is talking to Tom Courtenay. He is talking about the two kinds of men. One is pure and high minded and that these men make women miserable. I guess the other category really doesn't matter since I don't fit into it. There were awkward moments when I wanted to speak to Brenda, but I just couldn't say what was on my mind. We were both very guarded at times. I often described Brenda as being controlling, but I could be just as ruthless. If I didn't want to do something, I just wouldn't do it. Maybe living by myself for over a year has made me too set in my ways. I said that Brenda was concerned about image and so am I in some ways. I tend to avoid doing what I consider to be cliche things. My outlook on the world does set me apart from other people, but I don't do it to hurt those who love me. I quickly remembered something about my telescope last night. I need to do all of my sighting during the day. It is not the most precise machine and the dials do not move as smoothly as they should. Ever since I have been back at my place, I have been sleeping on the floor. Its not as though Brenda and I slept on the futon. At first I told myself that it was because I got a better breeze in the livingroom, but I have woken up the past two mornings shivering. I went for a walk this evening as it was getting dark. I didn't have the energy in me to take the bike out, but I needed to get out of the house for a while to think.
audio input at the moment: classical music station
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