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Not enough concern Brenda has gone from hurt to anger and this is understandable. I wanted to hear what I had did wrong and she told me. She said that she had given every part of her life to me and I didn't seem to care. She said that if I couldn't get used to her way of life after eight months, I would never adjust to being with her. The period of adjustment was over and I had failed. I know that I am not an easy person to be around all of the time. I can be a real asshole. I can ignore things that bother other people. I can be aloof and indifferent. I can be stubborn. I can reduce people with words. I can be insulting. I can be rude. There were times where I may not have always let Brenda into my life. Why would I need a journal if I had her is what she wanted to know. I didn't have an answer for her. Brenda was even more hurt when she said that we shouldn't live together and all that I seemed to be concerned about was my apartment. Yes, I was concerned. To me it seemed as though she no longer cared what happened to me and I had to sort it all out by myself. It didn't matter that my place might have been rented to someone else. I didn't know if she had this planned all along and she knew that she could keep her place. I was just as confused as she was at that point. Brenda did admit last night that maybe she does let her career run her life. She worked eleven hours yesterday and supposedly it was her vacation. She is using her job to avoid her feelings. I know this about her. If I know anything, I know her very well. Most of the above was written late last night or very early this morning. Other things happened today, but I'll talk about them tomorrow. I need to get some sleep.
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