|
Charlie Chaplin In my best Hemingway voice, I have to say that today was a good day. Oh, I still feel slightly miserable when I wake up, but when I get to work I start to feel better. As long as my mind stays active, I am fine. The people I work with are friendly and I am still learning new things on a daily basis. For now that is enough. In an effort to be intellectual again, I have embarked on a new pet project. I want to learn as much as I can about Charlie Chaplin. Silent movies have never held that much interest for me, but from what I can see his life was far more entertaining off of the screen. A prime example would be his forced exile from America by J. Edgar Hoover. Then again I have always liked people who rebel against the system. Earlier this year it was Welles and now it is Chaplin. If ever I was a rebel, I have long ceased to be one. I have been working within the system for years and some might even call me conservative. I work a regular nine to five job and I own a nice car. It wouldn't surprise me if I was married a few years from now and raising a family. There I will be behind the wheel of a large automobile and I'll ask myself how did I get here. This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. My apologies to David Byrne and friends. Besides if I become a father at thirty-five then I can be the stern father bullying the boys away from my fifteen year old daughter. When I was pulling into my driveway after work, I saw Vickie pushing her daughter in a stroller. I can easily see Brenda doing something like that in a year or two. Its what she wants so badly. I often wonder how she will be when her children cease to be babies and become something less charming. My fear is that she will be disappointed in some way when they start to outgrow her. I often said to Brenda that her daughter would rebel against her and it would crush her. Now I will never know. Sometimes a part of me believes that I will drift from one woman to the next with a divorce somewhere in there. Maybe I truly am missing something when it comes to finding the right woman for me whoever that might be. Maybe its an attempt to be more of a tragic figure in life, because I am prone to melodrama from time to time. Sometimes I find this journal to be very frightening. Everything that I have done in the past year is here and I can't deny it. Oh, I could say that what I wrote isn't what I meant, but I won't. Life is not perfect and neither am I. Well, I need to rent Modern Times and The Great Dictator sometime.
audio input at the moment: Think Tank - Henry Rollins
|