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Cheer up I amaze myself at times with the way that I rise and fall in my mind. One moment I feel completely in control, but then something happens and it all falls in on itself. Then ever so slowly I climb back to the top of my self created mental pit and wonder why the hell I ever felt so miserable in the first place. Its a little game that I can't seem to avoid. Some people call this depression, but I think that is too strong of a word here. Then again its all a part of life which has a fair amount of pain and suffering in it. The secret is learning how to deal with it without it crushing you. Yes, I seem to have adopted some of the Henry Rollins philosophy. For years I have seen life as a struggle and I probably will until the day I die. Dying is simply the end of a struggle against nature. At a glance, my life is moving along rather well. I have a good paying job that doesn't stress me out. Even better I no longer feel the need to question why I am doing what I am doing. The computer field has been good to me and I doubt that I will abandon it any time soon. It provides me with enough money and time to do what I want in my spare time. Ever so slowly I am working my way up the suburban ladder of life and I haven't been given any reason to deviate from this path. Perhaps I have taken another step in becoming a more mature person. I wonder what my reward will be for this achievement. Maybe someone will give me a cookie. So I guess that there really isn't any reason to complain. I have become the model middle class American living in the heartland of America where manners still matter. I am young and healthy, but I'm not sure what I want to do next with my life. Here I am rambling on in some cliches that I can't even stomach. Maybe I just need to plan my weekends better. Maybe I just need to have fun again and stop worrying about the future so much. Its not as though I am planning a family or even have a girlfriend to take into consideration. The only one that I am responsible for is myself. Milling around the house watching the rain start and stop doesn't always generate the best frame of mind. There was a reason for my hanging around the house. I was waiting for my new modem to arrive. Of course the delivery person placed it at the front door where my neighbors live instead of coming to the back of the house where I live. The only reason I hung around was that I thought that I might have to sign for the package. I guess that I was wrong. I have no real idea when the package arrived. I only discovered it by accident when I went to get my mail. It could have been sitting there for hours and from the amount of rain on the box it might have been there for an hour or two. At any rate my new equipment is installed and I am a little less behind in technology on the home front. Join me as I leave reality behind for a moment. Yes, I freely admit that the following could only happen if I had the time and money to make it happen, but for now it is just a silly dream. If I had my way I would like to buy a house and make the upper floor into one giant room. Yes, some people call this a loft, but it may or may not have the high ceilings. The next step would be to install four pairs of skylights in the roof. One pair for each direction on the compass, because what could be better than falling asleep with a clear view of the heavens over my bed. There would be a hardwood floor with a Persian rug here and there. Plants would be liberally scattered around the space with shelves for books filling up the rest of the space. The furniture would consist of a sofa sleeper and some papa san chairs. All of the kitchen and bathroom facilities would be downstairs, because dishes and a toilet do not lend itself to the overall mood. The upstairs would be purely for rest and relaxation. John Glenn goes back into space this Thursday and I have to wonder what I will be doing when I am seventy-seven years old. Its doesn't matter to me if some people see it as just a publicity stunt. He was one of the people who started the whole program so why not let him go back one more time. Maybe I am looking for heroes when they don't exist anymore. Yes, I am still young and foolish and dream from time to time.
audio input at the moment: The Globe Sessions - Sheryl Crow
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