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I close my eyes Well, I managed to do it again. I uploaded another incredibly short entry that said next to nothing. Its not that I am depressed or anything its just that the weekly time shift on Sunday throws my brain into reverse for hours at a time. Staying awake on the third shift schedule sounds reasonable, but I seem to run out of things to do at three in the morning. Its not as though I am at work, where I am supposed to be doing something every hour. Television offers up an unpleasant mixture of infommercials and end of day broadcasts, because I don't have cable. So my visual input is limited and I am tired of seeing the videos that I own. Of course I kept telling myself to get out and rent some movies before midnight, but I was so intent on revamping the archives for the journal that I didn't make it. Reading is another option, but I couldn't seem to focus enough on a book. So what happens instead is that I slowly drift in and out of the waking world as I lie on the couch. Every so often I wake to see that only an hour has passed since the last time that I opened my eyes. I repeated this process from one in the morning until five o'clock. Five in the morning seemed like a good time to start my day. The sun may not have been shining yet, but I felt ready to start doing things again. Besides I can make myself feel better by saying that I am getting the most out of a day and it is my weekend so I had better do all that I can. I opened the J Crew outlet store this morning and treated myself to some new clothes. Brenda's comment the one time that we went there together was "I can't see myself wearing any of this stuff." Sigh. We disagreed on so many things. Anything from the Disney store would have been a different story though for her. She owned dozens of embroidered sweatshirts from that place. I, however, see Disney as being the antithesis of creativity and loathe anything that they produce. They churn out the same animated film over and over again and then mass market it to death. I try to keep myself busy, but the weekends are still strange. I feel as though I should be doing something that I have never done before. Instead what I do is spend money. I should just learn to relax and enjoy my time off. Actually this should be an easy week for me. I have two days of work and then Thanksgiving off followed by two more days of work. Then the following week is my birthday. The weather was great today, but I didn't feel like dragging the bike out for a ride. With the warmer temperatures came the winds that would have pushed me all over the road. At least I had the sun shining all day through a cloudless sky. Nothing stood between me and the distant object that gives us life as I sat out on my porch this afternoon. Its days like these where I wish I had windows for walls. Then I could bask in the heat like a lizard free from the winds. I could close my eyes and see the veins in my eyelids as I slowly drift far away from everything that doesn't matter. What would make it even better would be to have my house on a hill so that I could look down on the surrounding countryside. Then I could survey my kingdom from my private keep. It would be my own version of Xanadu. I would be Charles Foster Kane. News items. Kate Winslet got married and it wasn't to me. America Online is going to own Netscape and I am troubled by this news.
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