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afternoon summation After riding the emotional pendulum to the other other extreme last night at work, I seem to have found some kind of emotional level ground. Everything is much more reasonable now and I hope that it stays that way for a few days. When I walked into work last night, it was the last place that I wanted to be. All that I could think to myself was that I would be on vacation in two weeks. Nine more days of work stood between me and what I saw as freedom. I was ready to snap at anyone who spoke to me and I did within minutes of being there. Poor John, the second shift person from the front half of the weak was the first to fall under my attack. He had made a rather innocent comment that I did not like and that was all that I needed at the time. It was a good enough excuse for me to just verbally abuse him. It wasn't a long drawn out tirade. I just made a far more sarcastic remark than what was really necessary. He seemed to take in it stride, but at the same time he didn't linger as long as he usually does after his shift. On an almost daily basis here I do my version of public masturbation without really talking about masturbation. I write little anecdotes that sometimes make sense, but often fall flat. There are times when it all seems so silly, but I keep on trying and hoping that eventually I will say something meaningful. I'm not sure if I have learned anything about myself in the past two years. I keep walking in circles looking at the ground and wondering why I never get anywhere. Here I am almost thirty years old and I wonder what have I accomplished. I have a good paying job and a nice car, but that doesn't really say that much about me as a person. At most it says that that I can keep a job and pay bills. None of that really makes me unique. None of that really makes me that great of a person. My body is in okay shape, but certainly could use improvement. There is still tone in my stomach, but regular exercise is something that comes and goes in my life. I try to ride my bike more often than I do, but making excuses is so much easier. I haven't been involved with a woman in a year and sex is something far from my life. Maybe it is time that I made some changes in my social life. Maybe it is time that I changed my routine and let more people get close to me. It isn't as though I see myself ending up at strip clubs two three nights a week sitting in some corner drinking and giving my money away to strange women. I also highly doubt that I'll die alone on some street corner. On the other hand, I have built my personal walls fairly high. I am sure that a woman in my life would shake things up a bit. Being involved with someone always does put my life into a different perspective. Sometimes it all ends poorly, but life is never easy and more often than not I tend to learn things the hard way. Well, if I smoked, now would certainly be a good time to take a nice long drag and then exhale slowly.
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