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piles of leaves Monday started for me at three hours past midnight, where I was not only awake, but alert. During those first few waking hours, I felt alive and happy, but that mood changed as the sun rose. Once it was light, I began to feel lonely and tired. One would think that the reverse should happen, but it doesn't. I'm not sure why I am so hard on myself on the weekends. So often if I don't have any definite plans for the day, I start to feel depressed and close in on myself. Instead of dragging out the bike to enjoy the weather this afternoon, I decided to walk. What started out as a casual walk through my neighborhood ended up being a two hour journey into the past. After about a dozen or so blocks, I crossed over into the streets where I spent most of my childhood. It was odd to walk the same path that I took when I was in grade school. Oh, I have driven over those streets before, but to actually walk them is different. What I once saw when I was seven years old is not what I see now. My perspective has changed in so many ways. When I was a child I wasn't aware of the whole city. Milwaukee was this huge place that I couldn't quite visualize in my mind. For me it was broken down into my house, my school and where my friends lived. Distance is hard to judge as a child and a world confined to a few square blocks was enough for me. Things like property values and city limits were beyond me. I don't remember exact days from that time, but most of the landmarks that I saw on that daily walk are still there. The house where Renee lived is still there and for all that I know maybe her parents still live there. The park that we hung out at is still there and looks strangely the same. Oh, some things are gone. For instance the old mausoleum that I passed by everyday has been replaced by a firestation. It had to be the most frightening place that I could think of when I was seven. Just the thought of all of those dead people in one place was enough to make me steer clear of the place. Maybe since it was a building it was more menacing than a graveyard. I don't know. Now I wouldn't describe myself as a street kid, but I didn't grow up in the suburbs either. We didn't have a huge lawn and most of the houses in the neighborhood were unique. It was far from being a planned community. I guess it makes sense that what I saw on an almost daily basis for seven years should leave some kind of impression on me. It was only an eight or nine block walk, but it was a big part of my life for years.
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