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forty years old After some mild disappointment from the past two days, my new computer system arrived late this afternoon. The worst part was that I knew from online tracking that it had been in Wisconsin since two thirty in the morning and it was still sitting at their distribution center at ten in the morning when they scanned it again. In fact it was not only in Wisconsin, but sitting in a building less than half an hour from where I live. Since the system didn't actually get to my house until late in the afternoon, it would seem that I am somewhere near the end of the delivery route for them. None of this matters now that I finally have it although it did bother me for most of the week. With my thirtieth birthday on Monday, I do have to confess to a small amount of reflection on the state of my life at this moment. One might ask me if this is where I thought I would be when I reached this age and my answer would be no and I don't mean that in a negative way either. Ten years ago I could not imagine being thirty years old. It was beyond me. What I mean is that I have never been one to see the future as being fixed, nor do I look that far ahead. I like to think of my life in small blocks of time and that is what seems to work best for me. To be honest I can not imagine myself ten years from now and it really isn't something that I dwell on either. I will admit that there is a world of difference between who I was ten years ago and who I am now as a person, but I think that is only natural. People should grow and learn as they age. Experience and understanding don't always come easy, but with time it does happen and it did with me. I know what does and doesn't make me happy in life and more importantly how about going to get what I want. Maybe it might have taken me a little longer than other people to reach this point, but it isn't my goal in life to be just like everyone else. My core personality from a decade ago is still intact, but I don't think that I get as upset by things as much as I did then. Somehow it doesn't seem fair to compare myself to a younger version, but I know that I am happy with who I am as a person now. I feel confident about where I am in life and I also have a slightly better idea of where I hope to be in the future. I might almost say that I am content. Some people my age are married and raising a family, but for me that isn't the right choice. Nor do I see that changing any time soon. It has been a little over a year since I had a girlfriend and I doubt that that fact will change before the end of the year. I don't find that depressing or sad. To be blunt being single the past year really hasn't been that awful of a time. In fact, I think that it was the best thing for me to just have to worry about myself and not have to think of myself as part of a couple. In the first few months, it felt so good to be just by myself again. I could indulge in things that had been denied me for months and I reveled in the freedom. There was my new job to keep me occupied and then when I wasn't working I could truly relax. For the first time in years I could travel and made trips to both California and Canada, both of which were great. Almost everything that I did was for my benefit and it was something that I needed. I guess that some of this is coming from some comments that a coworker made to me the other day. There are a few forty something bachelors at work who seem to be miserable all of the time and he said that that was my future. Personally I thought that that was rather asinine and just brushed it aside. Then I started to wonder if he was just joking or if some people truly think that that is where I am going to be ten years from now. At the very least it certainly doesn't put much faith in who I am as a person. Then again he might have been just been messing with me and I shouldn't let it bother me.
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