Effluvia

The XFL announced their first city today - and rumor has it Memphis is getting a team, too.

Hurry up and download music from Napster or Macster - before it's too late!

Jeff Koyen over at Crank is sending me some iron-ons. This makes me feel very good.

New York, New York - it's a hell of a town.

The Southern Baptist Convention makes another logical, sensible decision.

Bygone Days
Uncensored!

125 YEARS AGO
June 14, 1875

An effort is being made by several Memphis citizens to organize a society to prevent cruelty to animals and to prosecute all such violators.

This will put an end to the constant mule-beating and dog-fucking we see each day on Main Street.

Boss Kenny

"My first wife was a chicken. Married her during the war. It was a different world, then."

More of the London journal becuase nothing too interesting has happened in the last few days. Eventually I'll make a little London Journal index page for easy referencing, complete with pictures. I know you're looking forward to it.

This following was written on our second Saturday afternoon there. I'm talking about the day before.

Have I mentioned the cell phones yet? If you think people in the US are obnoxious with their cell phones...well, you haven't been to England recently, buddy! Everyone is constantly talking on their phones - riding the tube, walking down the street, sitting in restaurants. Compared to the English the Americans are discrete and rare users of the cell phone. Now you know.

Friday morning I got up early. I had to; it was time to either wasch clothes or buy new ones. And I wasn't buying new ones. I got a couple of newspapers (including the Daily Sport - which is all sports and topless chicks, a man's dream newspaper) and walked down the street to the laundrette. The little old lady who ran the place was very helpful and completely insane - chatting with me and any number of other customers like we were intimate acquaintances and screaming into the telephone. That, combined with a trip to Tesco's ("I didn't get it at Tesco's, okay?") for cold medicine gave me a morning rich with Young Ones references.

Once the underwear were clean Sonya and I got on the tube to St. John's Wood (a tony, old-money neighborhood). There, we checked another tourist attraction off our list: Abbey Road Studios. It's just like the album cover, and people have written all over the wall in front of the studio. Sonya wrote some lyrics from In My Life and I thought it was very fine. I choked up a bit, too. It's the Beatles, man!

We did not, however, get a picture of us crossing Abbey Road because Abbey Road is very busy.

Then to Covent Garden to meet Nancy and Cliffie (as I was calling him by this time) for lunch at a pub where the radio was playing all-Irish music, in honor of St. Patrick's Day. Much U2 and Sinead O'Connor followed.

"A little-known fact about the Irish..." Cliffie began.

We trooped off to the tube again to walk across Tower Bridge (impressive, ornate and a mighty fine view) and go to the London Dungeon, a sort of high-tech haunted house with a London theme (Jack the Ripper, Newgate Prison, fires, plague). It was good goofy fun - the staff was enjoyable, especially the court clerk (which the English, for some strage reason, pronounce "clark" - ignorant foreigners) and judge who "sentenced" us to "death." They had a fine time picking on the non-English-speaking patrons.

"Do not try to cast spells in your strange language," the clerk told a babbling German.

"Did you get dressed in the dark this morning?" the judge asked two befuddled Japanese backpackers, "I convict you of crimes against fashion. Konichiwa!"

Working there must be the ultimate status symbol amongst London goths.

We bade Nancy and Cliffie adieu and made our way to Parliament, where we were to meet James and Kent (fresh from their trip to Paris) for a tour. We were too late, though, so we decided to retire to the pub while Kent amd James regaled us with stories of the top of the Eiffel Tower and rude French people.

At the pub (the Pheasant and Hedgehog, about a block from our hotel) we were sitting quietly, having a beer, when the St. Patrick's Day celebration erupted around us. Suddenly, the place was full and Guinness reps were giving away Guinness pens and free pints of stouts. I started drinking it and the bartender came over.

"What, you don't want free beer?" he asked James, Kent and Sonya, "at least go get the coupons and give 'em to me!"

So we all had Guinness. Later, the Guinness people came back by, saw we were still drinking their product and gave us free t-shirts, too. It was, truly, the best St. Patrick's Day ever. We got back to the hotel and, exhausted by sickness and beer, I promptly passed out.

Today's plans included shopping - lots of street market-style shopping with Sonya's friend, Jayne. I knew as soon as I got up that I couldn't do that. Plus, I really want to go out tonight, which would be impossible if I tried to follow my shopping-mad travelling companions around all day. They left, I went back to bed.

Around noon there was a knock on the door. I suppose the cleaning women in a London hotel see quite a lot, 'cause this chick didn't bat an eye when I opened the door in a pair of plaid pajama pants and a nipple ring.

"You want your room cleaned?" she asked.

I gave her a pile of dirty towels. She gave me clean ones. I thought it was a pretty sweet deal.

I was up then, and feeling pretty miserable, so I got some comfort food. I wanted it, and it's been months since I had a quarter pounder. Did you know that they still use the styrofoam clam shell boxes for quarter pounders in England? They do! I also went to get some tickets to Paris on the Eurostar tomorrow, but they were sold out. Dammit, I wanted to ride that train, too. And see Paris.

Since then I've come back to the hotel and so has Sonya, who is now complaining of a sore throat, also. Th sickness spreads - but at least I know it's not a a sinus infection. And she got me an Arsenal kit while she was out today - sweet Wifey.

The plans for tonight include Chinese food, the bar where Eddie Izzard got his start and a trip to Slimelight, London's big goth club. More updates as events warrant.