Effluvia

From Memepool:

• Royalty. Lots of royalty.
• Williams. Once they made Defender, now they make slot machines.
• Baby smasher? Wrong, wrong, wrong.
• Cool.

GOD WAS MY COPILOT BUT WE CRASHED IN THE MOUNTAINS AND I HAD TO EAT HIM

Journal Roulette

Siobhan's Crazy World! - Cute. Seriously underage. Uses lots of exclamation points.

Siobhanorama!

Siobhan has gone to Bangkok. There, she is studying how to do that thing with the ping pong balls. Respect her desire for knowledge.

The Coworkers
Ain't Cool Dep't.

I swear I've heard two different coworkers refer to STDs and IUDs this week. They can't be talking about what I think they're talking about. The acronyms are out of hand.

And

there's a report at work called the Monte Carlo ASCII Dump. To me, that sounds like something you'd get at a disreputable Nevada whorehouse.

"You want the Monte Carlo ASCII Dump? That's $250.00 extra, and I gotta go change clothes."

Two Years Ago
Drugs. And a wedding.

One Year Ago
"Don't matter," replied the trucker. "I'm gonna fuck ya anyway."

Well, congratulation, Mississippi. You weren't content to come in dead last in every kind of national ranking, were you? You had to actively offend people, too. I heard someone say yesterday that the threat of boycotts on Mississippi probably wouldn't work because the state is so poor. Isn't that sad. Mississippi acts out because it has poor self-esteem.

And while we're mocking southern states, this is from The Onion:

Bill Up And Dies In Tennessee Legislature
NASHVILLE, TN--Democratic supporters of H.R. 3470, the Shelby County Millage Act, were right sorry Monday when the bill up and died in the Tennessee General Assembly. "We done supported that bill like a mama possum supports her young 'uns," said Rep. Clem McCombs (D-Pikeville), the bill's sponsor. "But the committee process was just too ornery." Rep. Lefty Perkins (R-Pigeon Forge), chairman of the House Committee On Looking After Your Own Business, celebrated the death of the bill by firing his shotgun into the air.

And here is that same little witty article, translated into Spanish and make to English via AltaVista's BabelFish:

Ascending account and dices in the legislature
NASHVILLE, TN -- Democratic those in favor of H.R. 3470, the act of millage of the county of Shelby, were grieved Monday right in which the account ascending and died in the General Assembly of Tennessee. "We done used who the account as a possum of the young breast uses his 'uns, " said to Representative Clem McCombs (D-Pikeville), the patrocinador of the account. "Only the process of the committee was also ornery right." Representative. Lefty Perkins (it sets) of R-Pigeon, president of the committee of the house on taking care of its own business, celebrated the death of the account igniting its gun in the air.

It seems there are still some bugs in the translating software, yes?

I had a smoothie for lunch today. It was mango, and I had it while getting my car washed. It was very tasty. And I've been starving since about one o'clock. The smoothie was tasty, but not terribly filling.

Perhaps I should have gotten one of the "protein" smoothies instead. Or maybe the "weight gain" smoothie. Or the bacon smoothie. That would have been filling.

I ran Monday night and was quite pleased. I did a fairly quick half-mile before my legs went all rubbery and my stomach was full of cramps. Today, though, my legs are hideously sore and going down stairs is a form of slow torture.

Stretching is important, kids.

So I want to run tonight, but the hungry, leg-achy part of me is saying, "no. Sit on the couch. Eat pizza. Run tomorrow!"

This sounds like good advice to me.

A recent L.A. Times contained the following "For the Record" item: "Poisonous mushroom--The mushroom identified as an edible bolete in this picture that ran on Page H3 of the Food section Wednesday is actually an amanita, which can be poisonous. It is most easily identified by a small ring midway down the stem."

If you've died from eating the amanita I'm sure the Times regrets the error.

I had a bag full of food in my hand on the way out the door one morning. Breakfast bar, apple, bean dip, fritos, pizza.

"You know what that is?" Sonya said, "that's a sporto lunch."

And here I must send a shout-out to my buddy the Diva. She's Canadian, lives in an igloo, drinks lots of Moosehead and is always threatening to send a Mountie after me. A Canadian who enjoys Canadian stereotypes as much as we Americans is a rare and special person.

"Take off, eh!"