Just a few observations to help you make it through the weekend...

First, I took this directly from Billboard's web site - I hope they don't mind.

New Releases for 08/11/98
M.O.P. - First Family 4 Life (Relativity Records)

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we've sunk that low. The music business has become so brainless that housekeeping items are now getting record contracts. Who else have they signed? The Notorious B.R.O.O.M.? Too Skinny Dustpan and Sweeperboy? That hardcore gangsta duo of Washa and Drya?

All kidding aside, though...it's a really stupid name. Couldn't this guy have strung together any other three letters besides the ones that spell out what you clean the floor with? I don't think that his career is going to last that long.

The other night Sonya and I were futzing around the living room, having a quiet evening at home. The phone rang, and I answered it.

It was a salesperson, and they were trying to sell me the new-and-improved version of Caller ID. If you've ever talked to one of these people before you know that after the most perfunctory of greetings they go into their pitch. I let this girl go on until she got to the "so if I can just get some information from you, Mr. Williams, we'll get that Caller ID unit on its way to you tomorrow."

"Thank you," I said politely, "but I'm not interested."

(I've gotten much better at this, actually. When I first got married and a salesman would call I would

A) Confirm that they were indeed trying to sell me something;

and

2) Hang up on them.

This upset Sonya to no end."That's rude!" She'd exclaim. This puzzled me. All my life growing up I watched my family slam doors and hang up phones in the collective face of salesmen and door-to-door missionaries. I thought that was how you did things. In college my friend Chris told me that one of his friends had let the Mormons come in to his apartment.

"But...but...but..." I sputtered, "but...they're not allowed inside!"

Apparently they are in some places. Foolish people.

Anyway, Sonya eventually harangued me about this until I would at least listen to the sales pitch before saying "not interested" and hang up. However, if I say no and they try to keep selling...well, I do what I need then.)

But this Caller ID salesgirl wouldn't quit.

"May I ask why you're not interested in the Super Caller ID unit Mr. Williams?"

May you? Of course! I love to tell people why I don't like Caller ID - this was like talking to the Pope about birth control!

"I'm not interested," I told her, "because I find Caller ID to be unspeakably rude and I might add that it has an aura of low-class pretentiousness about it, too. I'll take my chances with whoever calls me."

"Why do you feel that way, sir?"

Ahhhh...here's where I went in for the kill. "Because everyone on Jerry Springer keeps saying, 'I saw yo number on my Caller ID!' and I don't want to be one of those people."

"But that's not the point, sir-"

That's when I hung up. How dare she tell me it's not the point? It was my point, and if she didn't want to hear it she shouldn't have asked.

Another reason why I love Memphis so much...tonight, at seven o'clock, the Flying Elvi will be parachuting down at Second and Beale and then leading a pub crawl down Beale Street to kick off Elvis Death Week.

If you're unfamiliar with them, the Flying Elvi are exactly what they sound like: people who dress up as Elvis and jump out of airplanes.

Too cool.

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