Okay, first - Friends is in syndication! Hoorah!

Also - last week I was walking inside my building after I'd parked the car. I found the following fragment of a note in the gutter.

Isn't that compelling? Doesn't it just make your heart go out to this girl? You know it was a girl, don't you? No guy could do that kind of soul-baring on paper. I mean, I can just see her - eyes red from crying over this shmuck, empty bottle of wine nearby, a smoldering Virginia Slim in her free hand.

Whoever you are, honey, I hope it turns out all right. He probably wasn't worth it anyway.

Friday night was fun. Sonya and I went to meet Ward and Kathy after the Cooper/Young 5K. But first we went to Cafe Ole to eat, which was not so much fun.

We were wedged into a little table between two big tables. At the two big tables a group of college kids sat, surrounding us, talking over us like Sonya and I were so many potted plants. I was annoyed. Sonya came very close to going into a Wolverine-like killing spree, so I got her out of there.

We found Ward and Kathy on the front step of an empty house down the street. By the way, Kathy is Sonya's boss and Ward is her significant other. They're a very cool couple. Between the two of them they can drink more beer than would seem possible - and they're both totally healthy, always with the running and the biking. I admire their combination of alcohol abuse and body-consciousness - it's an inspiration to me. I've done freelance webwork for both of them and they is good folks.

Anyway, we found them on this front step and joined them, making like we owned the place. It was nice. Ward and I started making runs to the post-race free beer station. I was feeling quite pleasant, y'know, but Ward was seriously buzzed. It was a hoot. We were totally entertained.

Then, for some reason, we decided to go to Tsunami, the new trendy joint in Cooper/Young. First we had to retrieve Ward's wallet, which was in his truck. This required a long, winding hike into the bowels of this quaint little neighborhood. I think we walked in a ditch for some reason. I'm not sure why.

So we eventually made it to Tsunami and got a table. Everyone sprinted for the bathroom. I kept drinking while they ate. Sonya offered me some of her mussels in Thai curry sauce, but I didn't think they'd mix well with my belly full of tacos and beer.

I liked the place, by the way. Lots of pretentious art, good waiters and a hostess with an Australian/Irish accent. My dining companions said the food was very good and I thought the beer was nice and cold.

Just a few notes from Saturday:

• I walked down to Walgreen's to pick up some pictures Saturday afternoon. I saw two very interesting things. One was a little old black man, wearing a sequined sombrero and matching vest, in the gyro place across the street from my building. I've seem him on the trolley before and I still have no explanation.

  The other interesting thing was a new business that has opened up next door to the gyro place. It's called "Pedicab of Memphis" and what it is, apparently, is these bikes with a covered seat for two in the back. I don't know how successful it will be but I bet the drivers are in shape, hauling fat-assed tourists all over Downtown. I saw one just this morning, a lawyer perched happily in the back. I kind of figured they'd go over big with lawyers - a lot of them have the kind of personality that likes to see another person sweat at their command. I'll keep you posted on this, which I think has high comedic potential.

• Saturday evening I took Sonya to a nice place to eat (the IHOP) accompanied by Jen and James. For some reason when the four of us go there we're loud and obnoxious and we just have the best time. We held down a table for a couple of hours, smoking, eating pork and shooting the shit. It was fun.
• Spice World is a silly, silly movie. Still, Mark McKinney from the Kids in the Hall was in it, as was Richard O'Brien of Rocky Horror fame. Hell, there were a lot of cameos - that was half the fun of the movie, spotting famous folk. Oh, and Meatloaf was there bus driver.

  And just for the record - all the Spice Girls are bad. So you know what they need, right?

  A spankin'!

I can't remember Sunday - it may not have happened.

Hold on...Sonya and I went to West Memphis. Not once, but twice. Once to deliver a birthday present to my brother-in-law, Dwayne. He's Sonya's sister's husband. We got him a shirt. Happy birthday, Dwayne!

Later we went to Sonya's parent's house. Sonya's mom had some clothes she wanted her to try on. While this was happening I was talking with my father-in-law.

Now I don't know about y'all, but I got some really cool in-laws. Hell, they gave us that vacation to Daytona. They let us live with them for a few months back in '94, while we were waiting for our first Memphis apartment and saving up money. I know everybody talks about the horrible mother-in-law, but in my case it's just not true. She's a sweetie.

And my father-in-law is totally cool. John Fisher is tall, broad, and a no-bullshit kind of guy. Sonya said he intimidated and scared off many a suitor during her courtin' days. He was always nice to me, though. The first time I met him I had on my Milli Vanilli shoes (mentioned in the last episode) and he asked me, "who'd you steal them shoes off of, boy?" Then he gave me some pizza. When Sonya and I went home to tell the parents we were getting married (none of this "asking for your daughter's hand in marriage" stuff - the way we figured it, Sonya's parents didn't own her, but they did need to know it was going to happen) John stood up and walked over to me. I knew there was always the chance that I was about to get my ass thrown out - and maybe receive a beating before that. But he put out his hand, grinned, and said "welcome to the family, son." He's a Vietnam vet and he's currently in the National Guard. Anyway, he walked in in his camo's and combat boots. Years ago, before Sonya and I got married, he gave me a pair of combat boots he'd never used. I told him I still had them.

"They're probably lookin' a little worn out now, ain't they?" he asked.

I told him they were, having gone through college, two summers of wear at Arby's and a particularly nasty winter at a chemical plant.

"Well I got some more in there," he said, "wonder if they'll fit you?"

So my father-in-law gave me a brand-new pair of combat boots. He's the coolest.

Yesterday afternoon was busy. I came home, changed clothes, walked the dog, then went to the library, Midtown Video, Seessel's and Wendy's. And then I still wasn't through.

'Cause I went running.

Really, Ward and Kathy do impress me with their running - and they run all the time. Kathy said I should try it for a month. If I still didn't like it after that then it probably wasn't for me. So last night I decided to give it a try.

It's exactly a half-mile from the front door of my building to the intersection of Peabody Place and Main - one block short of Beale Street and exactly where I used to live, strangely enough. I figured a mile would be a good test, since I'm totally out of shape and smoke about a half-pack a day.

I left the house at a dead run, moving south on Main. I made it one block fine and crossed Jefferson. About halfway down the next block, though, I heard a strange sound - like someone trying to start a car with a near-dead battery.

It was my breathing.

I was wheezing like a cat in labor. My chest hurt, but I dismissed my initial idea of heart attack. My ribs were just a little creaky from the great, gasping breaths I was taking.

So I walked a block, then ran a block, just like the experts recommend. About halfway back, though, I had to stop and sit down at a trolley station. I wasn't sure if I'd make it home or not. I managed to pick my ass up, though, and even broke into a half-ass trot when I made it back to my block. Today I'm both sore and stiff, though not as bad as I thought.

Obviously, I have a lot of work to do. I'd toyed with the idea of trying to get ready for the Southland 5K (please visit their site - you'll tickle Ward to no end) but now I know I'd just embarass myself and others. We'll see where I am this spring.

Is it possible? Harold, healthy and in-shape? We'll see.

Don't hold your breath, though.

Now Playing: Siouxsie and the Banshees: Twice Upon a Time - The Singles - A band that Sonya initially introduced me to - I love them now. The lyrics are surprisingly dark and nasty. I don't think I've ever heard the word "sperm" sung before - or made to sound this cool, either.

back'ard

latest

archive

for'ard