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breath rising skyward What I wanted to say about The End of the Affair yesterday was that I focused more on the characters themselves than with what Greene was trying to do with his writing technique. The professor kept stressing the use of a fractured timeline, but that didn't interest me that much. I wanted to talk about the emotion rather than the process, which probably sounds odd coming from me. So often people say that I over analyze things or tear them completely apart without giving much thought to emotional content. More than once in the past I been cast in the role of judge if not executioner. People have called me arrogant. Others have said that I am fighting against the world. Personally I don't think that I have been that harsh or angry, but being able to step outside of one's self is never easy to do. One person from my past said that I was an idealist living in an imperfect world and that was something that I could accept. People are flawed and I am a part of that group, but that doesn't mean that people don't have the potential to do something better in the world. Here again I am putting myself on a par with someone like Stephen Dedalus, a literary hero of sorts. Maybe life would be easier if I were a fictional character, but I'm not nor are the rest of the people in the world. In the novel both Maurice and Sarah struck me as being sad and shallow people with my feelings going more toward the detective and his boy. Maybe I misjudged the romantic couple, but I don't think that they were as sympathetic as they could have been. Then again they prove that even love isn't without its flaws. Then I start to think why is this so important to me. These aren't real people, but I think that I often view people in my life the same way. I try to see the best in people. As often as I might seem to be judging, I try not to reach a conclusion too soon. As I wrote in a recent email, I don't have many answers nor do I dispense advice. I try to take people on a one on one basis. Generalizing or categorizing is so demeaning in my eyes. Sometimes this approach to life fails me, but it is how I see the world around me. ... After class yesterday I took some time to catch up with Party Girl. She had been absent on Tuesday and I was curious to see what was new with her. Besides it had been over a week since I had really talked with her and I don't want to lose contact over the break. Part of me regrets the silly nickname that I have given her, but to a small degree it does fit her. Our friendship is still in its beginnning stages, but something about her energy is very appealing to me. Whenever she starts to tell me a story I can't help but be completely fascinated by her. She always seems so alive to me and this came through her latest story about her birthday last week. As for my status with J Crew girl, time is running out and I may never see her again after this semester unless I act soon. She may very well become a what might have been if something doesn't happen within the next two weeks. What this means is that either I have to start sitting on that side of the room or make more of an effort to speak with her before class starts. Otherwise all that I will be left with is some quick glances from her and the small conversation that we had in the rain.
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