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pretty horses I was going to write some more about politics yesterday, but I ran out of time last night before I could add anything else. Maybe what I wrote sounds a little odd, but I can't say that I have ever had that strong of an interest in politics. Basically I view it the same as sports. Some people tend to get completely caught up in rooting for their favorite team and I just see it all as being a silly game. ... Yesterday an old friend of mine from my undergraduate days sent me a fairly grim email. To be blunt I don't think that I have ever had as many things go wrong in my life at the same time as he has right now. One thing after another seems to be happening to him and I wasn't sure how to respond to what he had told me. Almost anything that I could think of to say sounded trite. Oh, I'll be the first to admit that compared to other people my life is uncomplicated if not care free in some ways. I'm not married. Nor am I seeing anyone. To put it another way no one is depending on me or at least not to the extent that his wife and daughter rely on him. The only person that is affected by my actions in life is myself. There was a time when I could relate better to what he was saying, but that was years ago when I was with Tracy. Hmm. I seem to be getting lost here in what I wanted to say next. Sometimes I wonder whether or not I was ever really intended to get married or settled down. I've come close a few times, but in the end something always seems to go wrong. Now I just don't know anymore. I guess that I don't really see myself as that traditional of a person. More often than not I tend to give off a rather conservative image, but at the same time I can't see myself working for the next twenty-five years at the same job trying to raise a family. My mind just boggles at the thought. Of course people say that marriage is only partly planned and that people can only prepare themselves so much when it comes to being a parent. Maybe I should just say that I'm not sure what I want from life anymore and I'm not completely sure that I ever did. Every two to three years I seem to reinvent myself and I think that I am coming up on my next transformation so to speak. Work can only hold my attention for a short amount of time and school has yet to give me the final answer that I want. Now with the strange madness that comes from the holidays most of my future plans for the spring have been put on hold. I have a suspicion that my lack of clear direction in life probably puts off a few women when it comes to dating, but at the same time I wouldn't want to give any woman a false sense of hope either. My life is anything but fixed. I'm not sure why this has been on my mind lately. Maybe this is simply three hours of sleep talking. Strange emotions surface when the mind is at its most vulnerable. ... Before I left work this morning Ann and I crossed paths. Seeing her then was odd and somehow her mood and behavior towards me was different from when I see her on Friday and Saturday nights. Then again I might have been overreacting. Maybe she was just tired. ... Back in time. Oil change on car after work, reading All the Pretty Horses while I wait. It flows and seems easy compared to what I had been reading all semester for class. Can see Matt Damon in the lead role, wonder if film will be bad. More snow to fall. Took a few minutes to clear what was left from Monday. Three foot icicles from the roof tempt me. The shovel goes up and makes contact. Gravity does the rest and the sound is wonderful. Natural glass. Water shatters on impact. Repeat. Simple pleasures. Hours later the doorbell shocks me awake. A package that I hadn't been expecting. Not sure what day it is or even what planet I am on. Very odd feeling. Dawson's Creek on in the background. Time to eat. Primal. Simple.
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