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sudden impulses fade By the time that I got around to uploading the entry for yesterday, I had forgotten where I was going with my thoughts. So instead of finishing it, I just went with what I had. I do that far too often than I should. Here is what I meant to say before time got away from me. Drawing and painting is still something that I like to do from time to time, but at the same time it isn't a need for me the way that some artists talk about it. Yes, I do find it to be rewarding, but it was never a form of therapy for me. Nor do I think I would ever want it to function solely that way for me. Too much of art today becomes bogged down in analysis and the pure function of art as something to be admired becomes lost in too much talk. Now I can calmly talk about such things, but when I was an undergraduate deep in the academic art world that kind of thinking was slowly driving me more and more insane. At first I was irritated when the professors would ask why I chose a certain color or wanted to know what I was trying to say with a drawing. Soon it transformed into a form of insult rather than just irritation. They were draining the life from something that I thought was personal and I had had enough. Sometimes I just wanted to paint something that interested me. Maybe it would be the way certain colors contrasted against one another. Other times I wanted to recreate something that I saw more to my liking, be it a stylization of a person or a place. My motivation was fickle rather than determined. Perhaps this explains why I never devoted my life to art. I was far too grounded as a person to give myself over to an abstract world. Still there are moments when I slide back over that line and let myself get lost for a few hours. ... After seeing the slides most of my coworkers wondered why I stopped or if I still did any art at all. My first response was that it is very hard to work in a vacuum. I need to react strongly with something, before I can create an image. There has to be some kind of stimulus to trigger the desire to draw and or paint. Being surrounded by people who draw and paint everyday is a definite help. I can feed off of that energy. Maybe I'll find the time to do something new in the coming weeks. I can't say. Even though I think that I am managing my time better than I ever have before in my life, it still seems to be so limited. ... When she looked through my slides, Ann seriously liked some of my paintings and I wasn't quite sure how to react. Positive comments can be even more awkward than negative ones for me. ... Freezing rain made the drive home from work this morning a little more eventful. It wasn't unexpected though. In fact I think that there had been mutterings of this happening from the very beginning of the week. Rather than being assaulted by a harsh winter we were going to be nagged by a cold sloppy hint of spring. Yes, spring is the least favorite time of year for me with its ever changing attitude. ... Three in the afternoon and I should be asleep, but I'm not. I've just put aside Great Expectations to rescue the newly delivered mail from the wet elements. Nothing important waiting for me. ... Since Ann wasn't feeling too well last night, I flirted with Nicole off and on through the night. I now know that she is ticklish. I also did my impression of her when she takes a nap using her coat as a prop. She didn't see the humor in it or at least she said that she didn't.
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