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small outrage time There are days when it becomes painfully clear how unhappy I am with my job and last night at work was one of them. A small seemingly innocent comment from a certain person sent me over the edge last night. The next thing two of my coworkers heard was a fairly lengthy swearing outburst on my part directed entirely at this person. Now some of what I said was certainly unprofessional if not downright ugly, but this person has never ever been straightforward with me. Time and time again this person just antagonizes me without any prompting on my part. The woman simply lacks any tact and takes pleasure in trying to find fault with people. I think that she is pathetic. She said that I had done something that in fact I had not done. Even worse she made the comment through another person. She couldn't even blame me directly. If I could I would go off on her, because she deserves it. Thankfully I only have a limited amount of contact with this person most of the week. ... Relationships. I often make hints about some of the women that I meet in class, but at the same time I never fully pursue any of them. Sometimes this is due to the fact that they are already seeing someone, while other times something about them makes me change my mind. I think that I just like the flirting aspect more than anything else. For example making Stephanie laugh after she came back from the dentist was fun. I also know that this isn't just in my head. Just this last Thursday I said to Jennifer that she would miss me after class was done and she said yes. I guess that what I am trying to say is that I do get along with women just fine. There really isn't much of a shyness factor. I just haven't run into someone who makes me want to forget about everything else. In fact it has been years since I have met a woman who would fill that role. Somehow I just don't fall into love as easily as I did years ago. Part of me knows that two-thirds of a relationship is arguing. Sometimes those bad times tend to outweigh the good. I also believe that happiness can not be found in another person. Okay, I am not saying that I am without flaws. No, that is not what I am trying to say at all. I definitely have my quirks that would not sit well with some people. So of course trying to find someone that I like who can understand me becomes more of a challenge than I ever wanted. Being single suddenly becomes a much more pleasant option in life. ... Quite often when I talk with Nicole she will complain about her fiance and none of this surprises me. Women like to complain about the men that they are seeing. It is simply part of the process. Some of this is due to the fact that women sometimes have unrealistic expectations from said love interest. Reality doesn't quite mesh with the fantasy that they have in their head. I also believe that if a woman had their ideal man they would quickly get bored with him. Women like to argue at some level and they need to have someone that won't always agree with them. They need that conflict to some degree. Now sometimes this talking through a problem process works, but sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it simply becomes shouting. Now if I took everything that Nicole said to heart, then I would be led to believe that her fiance is one of the worst people on earth. Having met and spoken with him I know that this isn't true. In fact he strikes me as being a fairly quiet person who probably just does what she tells him to do. To phrase things another way, I am only hearing one side of the story. Yes, I am sure that he makes mistakes, but there must be something about him that appeals to her. Something must lift her skirt to use a phrase of hers. I should also mention that they have a child together and they are talking about having another one together so not everything must be wrong between them. Something must be working. ... The recent heat wave here has given way to rain and cooler temperatures. I don't mind though, because the rain makes the green from the trees and lawns that much more lush. Another benefit from all of the rain is that the red maple in my backyard is now complete. All of the leaves have opened and there will be shade and privacy the next time that I lounge out on my deck. ... I'm not sure why I am feeling so talkative today. Naturally the outburst from work left me feeling drained this morning and I fell asleep on the couch after eating breakfast. One of the last things that I saw before I drifted off was a scene from the new dvd that I purchased this week. Actually it was one of a series of three dvds that make up the film series Decalogue by Krzysztof Kieslowski. He is the same man who directed the Colors Trilogy and The Double Life of Veronique, movies that I truly love. There is one short film for each of the ten commandments. So far I've only seen the first one. ... I am hoping for a quiet weekend so I can focus some more on my trip. This will include a visit to my parents so that I can give my Australia guidebook to my sister to review. She has some idea of what she wants to do, but we still need to work out some of the details before we go. Ever so slowly the trip is becoming more and more real to me and I know that I really need it right now. ... Nicole and her stories, I love them. I truly do. Not all of them are about her and her fiance. Actually more of them are just about her and or her son. Naturally she has issues about her body as most women do. I still find her attractive though. Coupled with these body image issues are the comments that her fiance makes to her. The other day he told her that what bothered him the most about her was that she never took any efforts with her appearance. Foremost he pointed out that she doesn't do her hair or wear make up. He then went on to say that more often than not she wears the same clothes over and over. Then when he was finished he said that these might be good things since no one would ever want to take her away from him. Sigh. Not exactly the happy couple. Now I may not have always been on the best of terms with former girlfriends, but I know that I never said anything like that to any of them. Perhaps to be fair to the fiance, I have heard Nicole call him by less than flattering names. Maybe there is some truth to the cliche that people hurt the ones that they love the most. ... Yes, that was not a happy story. Happy Nicole stories are the ones about her and her little boy. The stories about him giving her wet open mouth kisses. The stories about what new toy she bought for him. The stories about how he smothers her rabbit with love. Nicole is not a girly girl by any means. I have never seen her wear anything other than jeans and a shirt. Usually this is covered with by a jacket. Simple yet not unflattering. In my opinion it works for her. What I find the most attractive about her is her easy going attitude. She might get mildly upset from time to time, but she never takes thing too seriously. Maybe her attitude is different at home. I don't know, because I've never been there. ... Despite what her fiance might say, I think that Nicole has very nice hair and I play with it from time to time. Of course too much of that kind of behavior will get me into trouble.
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